Quality versus Quantity: Final Chapter

As I transitioned meeting pot SD's from real life events to searching in the online world using the amazing technology that we are blessed with, I have learned that it is so much harder in the online format.  We do not initially have the opportunity to look in a pot's eyes or observe body language that is often a key way to discovering a person's truthfulness. We are often faced with quantity in contacts that lack quality and oh it is so frustrating. I purposely listed a link to definitions for quality as there is one thing that sticks out in the definition:

1. any of the features that make something what it is; characteristic element; attribute
2. basic nature; character; kind
3. the degree of excellence which a thing possesses
4. excellence; superiorityThe first four all refer to something that is superior.. a cut above the rest and basic nature or character!  That's right quality is that element that sets apart those designer shoes from the Pay-less Shoes or that Dior , Channel or Versace outfit from those so called designer labels at discount stores.  We ladies know our clothes.. know that the quality of the fabric makes them last longer, the way it is sewn strengthens those seams and the cut of the cloth often gives us that extra fabulous look. It is that degree of excellence that something or someone possesses!  When we put on the true designer clothes, we know we look our best, they are designed to fit us in a way that shows off our bodies and accentuates our best features to perfection.  We gain confidence when we are dressed in clothing that makes a statement.A potential sugar can talk and paint a lovely picture, anyone can talk but this does not mean that their words even have an element of truth in them.  On the flip side anyone if they can afford it can put on the designer garments but at the end of the day this does not make their basic nature one that is of excellence as the garments can not make up for lack of character!  Quality is the complete package!  The definition also refers to a social standing.. and yes there is where a real SD can afford an arrangement, however, that still does not mean he retains the quality of character and where we need to really examine what qualities a potential has that would make him or her desirable in an arrangement.  This also means a critical hard look at ourselves and our own character and what sets us aside from the rest and use those characteristic elements to our advantage.  If it is a more traditional sugar arrangement that one wants then we need to examine what is important to us when it comes to quality character traits.  A successful arrangement for me in the past has involved opening myself up to a SD, being honest and at times vulnerable and trust that he appreciated me enough to do the same.  For awhile I had a few bad experiences in my search as I forgot what is important to me.. and yes having financial help is important but what was more important was that the person I chose to develop a SD/SB relationship with me be someone I can trust and learn from.  Chemistry is important but what good is chemistry if there are so many character deficits that create drama.  On the flip side I know that many Sugar Daddies feel the same way and often find after a short period of time the SB is not who she presented her self to be.  It is a two way street and really an arrangement is all about appreciation!  He appreciates me, who I am, what I do for him so he wants to help me and visa versa.. I appreciate my SD so I do things to show him how much I appreciate him.. both in and out of the bedroom.  We often get caught up in perceived drama as we initially forget to cover things when we make an arrangement that covers how much contact.  Some SD's want occasional contact in between meets and others want a lot ..phone call, text or email.. they want to feel a connection to their sugar.  As an SB I learned to put those little details on the table in advance to make sure we are on the same page with how often meeting, how much contact, how much discretion is necessary.. if this is solely a behind closed doors arrangement or one that requires traveling, doing social things.  Most important is sharing a piece of ourselves.. showing our character and having respect for our SD.. not belittling him because he is older.  After all we are the ones looking.. for a sugar relationship not for an ever after scenario. 

Quality versus Quanity: Part 1

Recently while reading blogs I have noticed some comments regarding the quality available in the Sugar World and how this seems to be sadly lacking!  I started contemplating this as I have had my share of contacts from fakes, pranksters and flat out kinky liars which I will explain later.  I have changed my screening process, and now I am focusing on changing my profile but not my expectations.  Having been in wonderful sugar arrangements before with exceptional S.D.'s  I realize that in the past I have had the cream of the crop. Always being treated with dignity and respect... I did not realize when I started my new search how much the landscape in the Sugar World was changing.  Like in real life we also must change with the times but I refuse to sacrifice my principles or expectations for something that would be sadly lacking!  So let me set the stage for this lengthy exploration and what I am now learning.

In former sugar relationships, I felt pampered and always trusted my former S.D.'s without hesitation which happens with time.  Each came with their own unique intriguing personalities and genuinely cared about my well being and in turn I cared about their well being making it easy to pamper and spoil them as well.  I learned through these experiences that a good sugar arrangement for me was more than dollars and cents.  It involved being honest, discreet when necessary, having good communication skills to avoid unwanted drama, carrying oneself with dignity and grace, enjoying laughter, hot passionate quiet moments together, being open to trying new things, positions, and mutual trust to share and try each others fantasies.  This type of arrangement required me to be adaptable and often going the extra mile to cater to by S.D. which I did gratefully and gladly.  I discovered so much about my own sensuality and sexuality ...that I realized just how good sugar sessions are.. hot.. sometimes wild.. sometimes romantic and so very satisfying.  I was the lucky one.. each of my former S.D.'s are still friends today and I value their advice and wisdom.  I tried a brief stint of traditional dating which left me completely flat after my last arrangement ended.  Men my own age just do so little for me and men twice my age which I am attracted to seldom look my way in Real Life Situations.. unless they are looking for a S.B. ;).

Understanding exactly what I am searching for I set my sights on having another sugar arrangement but in my area the gene pool is sadly lacking.. so I expanded my search thinking I would find QUALITY by doing so.  What I am learning is that my search is a work in progress.. for sure ;).  In this economy there are people looking to take advantage.. and I am know realizing that my profile had given clues to the fakes that may be able to take advantage of my vulnerabilities and that I needed to look hard at how much I was giving away about myself.. for example not being in any relationship in real life... living alone.. the flexibility of my schedule and only asking for assistance and accepting it on the months that are hard for me to get through while in school.  My frank honesty actually opened the doors to some of the bizarre contacts I have gotten.  As I have talked to other S.B.'s whom I have made friends with I realized we all have similar stories and are all asking the same questions.. where are the quality S.D.'s.  The flip side to this question is that many S.D.'s are questioning where the quality S.B.'s are!  A very wise Guru looked at my profile and gave me some advice which I appreciate and value the wisdom of his words.. so I have been adjusting it and realized it was okay in my profile to post what I will not accept which includes P4P.  A well written profile is key but a little mystery is okay too.. I realized I do not need to toot my own horn but instead use my artistic side to paint a picture with words without giving too much away initially.. remove hints of living alone etc.  let my self show and be genuine but at the same time providing myself more anonymity.  Even investing now in a throw away phone to give that number out instead of my real phones that lead right back to my home address. ;)

So what brought all this on?  Hm-mm lets see.. paying for trips to meet a Pot Fake S.D. who promised to reimburse for the trip and did not... paying for an expensive dinner for another Pot S.D. when he created a scene...lol... a series of emails, text and a phone call from one that had not even gotten to the meet stage yet who got his rocks off by scaring me and even told me after he did so that he does it all the time and masturbates when he finally gets the girls number to make her think he actually knows her, where she lives.. and has no intentions of ever meeting or entering an arrangement.  He learns about them by lurking in blogs or on face-book.. yes social network sites.  At one point took over one month of emailing and talking on the phone with one Pot.. to learn when meeting him that he had kinks and wanted to dress his S.B. and send her down to a bar to watch her pick up a stranger.. go screw him in their hotel room and then join back up with him so he could taste the left overs and get all the details and then compare it to his technique.  He was into things like fisting.. rough play and so on... so needless to say in my search I have gotten very discouraged.


Not being in an relationship has left me oversexed .. and really wanting to find that quality S.D.  the kind that I know so well , who understands what a traditional sugar relationship is really about and appreciates a Sugar Babe who pampers back.. and gives him all her attention when they are together... one who is low maintenance , loyal, respectful, easy to talk to, open and honest, and one who avoids bringing drama into the arrangement.  It is funny but it seems that the genuine quality S.D.'s that I seek are more intrigued with the drama filled S.B.'s who have drug problems..lol.. so I continue to search and question what I am doing wrong that is attracting all the losers.  I just had new pictures taken of me in outdoor and indoor settings that give nothing away except a sweet smile and if they want more pictures they will have to ask for them and only after I have asked a few questions of my own.  I am getting a lot more contacts in the past month then in the past yet Quantity means nothing in the scheme of things when there is no quality in the gene pool.  Have you ran into similar situations?
In my next part I will share the story of Mr. Bobblehead and how that experience has motivated me to not give up on quest.  I call him Bobblehead for a reason which I will soon reveal.. true story but a definite Ouch! for many..;)  Also my list of desirable traits that separate a Pot SD from the rest and put him in my quality category.