I recently have received quite a few emails from others who are exploring the sugar world. Each of them is trying to figure out if the sugar world is right for them and to some extent what a sugar relationship entails as they have started meeting a few Potentials. I am addressing it here in my blog but first must state that each person in the sugar world will have different experiences and encounters and you must know yourself and how you handle various situations to determine if it is right for you.
Why a sugar arrangement? Each of us have different reasons for exploring the sugar world and the misconception about greed does not apply to everyone. For some it is about goals they want to meet.. starting their own business.. college tuition .. help with books or software.. living expenses.. something they are saving for. For others it is about clothes, gifts, saving in a hard economy or just making ends meet and not going under. For some experience Sugars it is all about the excitement of the sugar relationship, getting to experience things they would not have the opportunity to do otherwise, going to exotic places and being a companion, friend and lover. A sugar arrangement also opens up many doors at times.. you can learn from the relationship where you are mentored.. learn about investments.. how to meet and reach your goals. For me I have found that a sugar arrangement can be very sweet.. better than chocolate. ;)
What it takes to be a Sugar Babe?
Some will tell you it takes tenacity, a tough skin, the ability to deal with rejection, the ability to role play. Others will say it takes skill to separate your real life from the sugar life, having the ability to spot a fake, and the ability to know when to say pass. To some extent it takes all these things but I have learned through time that the most important element to bring to the table is your honest self. Always be true to yourself and understand what you are getting into, gifts and financial help is wonderful but we sugars have our end to hold up as well. We need to learn right from the beginning what is expected from us and what are expectations are as well. Some Sugar Daddies have certain kinks and we need to ask questions that let us know if we are going to be comfortable in this type of situation, are we comfortable traveling immediately to foreign countries, going to swingers clubs if this is his kink? Being a Sugar takes courage to ask some difficult questions, honesty to allow the SD to feel connected to us. The arrangement is about finding someone who cares about our well-being and wants to help us.. to do this we need to show who we are to some extent and not put on airs or claim we know things that we don't. At times for me being a Sugar Babe is being able to face rejection gracefully, always keep open communication, be willing to grow and explore, be a best friend at times, a confidante, a lover, be discreet in public and wild cat behind clothes doors and in doing all this always be true to myself and be myself.
When to accept an arrangement: Never accept an arrangement that does not feel right.. do not settle as those types of arrangements never last long! If you are not comfortable dating a married SD simply do not agree to even meet those.. lately I have been contemplating why both sexes have the feeling that the other is so fake. It is because we do not bring our authentic self into the arrangement.. both sides sometimes present a facade that is not who they are. They pretend to have more than they do, use outdated pictures and basically are just curiosity seekers who this is a game to. Some are simply picture collectors and lately I came to the conclusion that the pictures I put on my profile will be what they will see until the first meeting. I am focused on a SD who wants more than just sex.. he wants to feel a connection and knows that building that bond makes me want to pamper and spoil him as well. With the downturn of the economy I have heard many tales how SD's feel sorry for a potential SB and send money before even meeting and having an arrangement. My advice to those SD's DO NOT DO THAT!!! and RUN. It is those wannabees who give sugars a bad name everywhere.
For someone who is exploring this life style ask yourself what you have to bring to the table and if it will affect how you view yourself? If you are just looking for a fast buck... join an escort service as real sugars are not escorts we are the complete package and we go the extra lengths to look good. Eat healthy, stay hydrated, work out, pay close attention to our skin, hair, nails, feet, and how we dress. We know how to look a million bucks even if we don't have much money.. and we know how to treat our men. Not everyone can be a sugar.
Say what you mean..Mean what you say!
In the sugar world situations happen that often catch us off guard yet it is how we deal with these situations that show just what type of person we are. We often see people go Poof once an arrangement is agreed upon or even when they schedule a meet. I wonder if it is simply that they do not know what they are agreeing to or simply pretenders and wannabes without the means to follow through. Sugar is more than just having sex, it is about intimacy and sharing.. mutual enjoyment.. many SD's are mentors and enjoy assisting someone. There are a lot of real SD's out there and yet they are so hard to find.
This evening I went to meet a Pot for drinks, he was charming and a true gentleman in every sense of the word but was new to the sugar world and thought he could just go get a hotel room and try me out as if I was a piece of exercise equipment to try for 30 days before making up his mind. I asked him if he had read the blogs or the articles to help him understand what the sugar arrangement is all about and he informed me yes.. I am for sale and he might buy me if I lower my price..lol.. well it did not take me long to set him straight on thought. Not once did he get obnoxious or rude, just stated what his impression was.. apologized for the misunderstanding and asked me how he could get a greater understanding of what to do and how to do it. When I got home I sent him some links to various articles and video messages to help a new sugar daddy if that is what he really wants to do and be. Does he have the financial means to be a SD.. I am not even sure but it is not my place to judge.
I bring all this up as often we do not think about the wasted time involved in the search when we run across people who are more or less just lookers.. lurkers.. or fakes. It takes time to get ready, it cost money to get from point A to point B, and after a while it gets discouraging. I became a sugar as a means to my goal of an education, not to simply be a piece of meat but have endured my share of disappointments and rudeness at times. I keep hearing you have to have a thick skin, and yet that is one thing I haven't really developed. When I wrote my profile I did it with thought, being as honest as I possibly could, trying hard to stay true to myself and let myself show. Through this process online, I have learned that few people return that honesty.. or even read much of the profile.. they focus on the pictures and yet if you leave out a picture you seldom get a response. I am sure my location is also a draw back even though I am more than willing to travel.
Say what you mean.. Mean what you say! is the advice I gave this Pot tonight.. do not lead anyone on and make sure you know what you can afford and if the profile states a certain amount that is needed.. and it is out of your range search for someone who you can afford but do not lead people on. Maybe if one person gets that message then one SB may have one less disappointment in their search. I doubt it did any good but it sure felt good finally speaking out as at time I feel I am just wasting my time and instead just need to try to work two more jobs so I can stay in school..lol.. and the hunt still continues.
This evening I went to meet a Pot for drinks, he was charming and a true gentleman in every sense of the word but was new to the sugar world and thought he could just go get a hotel room and try me out as if I was a piece of exercise equipment to try for 30 days before making up his mind. I asked him if he had read the blogs or the articles to help him understand what the sugar arrangement is all about and he informed me yes.. I am for sale and he might buy me if I lower my price..lol.. well it did not take me long to set him straight on thought. Not once did he get obnoxious or rude, just stated what his impression was.. apologized for the misunderstanding and asked me how he could get a greater understanding of what to do and how to do it. When I got home I sent him some links to various articles and video messages to help a new sugar daddy if that is what he really wants to do and be. Does he have the financial means to be a SD.. I am not even sure but it is not my place to judge.
I bring all this up as often we do not think about the wasted time involved in the search when we run across people who are more or less just lookers.. lurkers.. or fakes. It takes time to get ready, it cost money to get from point A to point B, and after a while it gets discouraging. I became a sugar as a means to my goal of an education, not to simply be a piece of meat but have endured my share of disappointments and rudeness at times. I keep hearing you have to have a thick skin, and yet that is one thing I haven't really developed. When I wrote my profile I did it with thought, being as honest as I possibly could, trying hard to stay true to myself and let myself show. Through this process online, I have learned that few people return that honesty.. or even read much of the profile.. they focus on the pictures and yet if you leave out a picture you seldom get a response. I am sure my location is also a draw back even though I am more than willing to travel.
Say what you mean.. Mean what you say! is the advice I gave this Pot tonight.. do not lead anyone on and make sure you know what you can afford and if the profile states a certain amount that is needed.. and it is out of your range search for someone who you can afford but do not lead people on. Maybe if one person gets that message then one SB may have one less disappointment in their search. I doubt it did any good but it sure felt good finally speaking out as at time I feel I am just wasting my time and instead just need to try to work two more jobs so I can stay in school..lol.. and the hunt still continues.
The Screening Process: Final Thoughts
If you have doubts trust your gut!! Never be afraid to ask questions and I have had an additional question that I have had to ask when negotiating an arrangement. Now I make sure I know my Pot's kinks!!
Oh yes I do ask... I want to know how he envisions the sexuality of his sugar mate.. what kinks he has and what he expects to explore behind closed doors. I have quickly discovered that you can have chemistry and click with someone but some kinks may be something that I am not comfortable with. I recently turned down an offer of arrangement as I was not comfortable that he had two other sugars and often takes all sugars on trips together and expects the girls to all interact with each on a sexual level and according to his instructions and fantasies. I had not met these women.. no idea what they look like.. who they are.. and did not feel that this arrangement was mutually beneficial for me when I am giving away my right to choose who I am with.
Know your Pot's expectations.. are they realistic, do they fit your own. If this arrangement is one where you need to move you need to know from the beginning how much additional support you will receive for moving such as apartment allowance, moving allowance etc. and never do anything without getting the money first.. any one can say you will be reimbursed but not everyone means what they say.
With Craigs List removing their adult service section, I have noticed I am getting more hits on my profile that I have online. I have noticed an increase at how many of the contacts I receive do not really have an understanding of life in the sugar bowl and are basically just looking to meet get laid and move on. This is why it is so important to screen and be patient. Often if our finances are tight it makes it even harder to be selective but the wait is worth it.
Recently I was excited about meeting a new Pot... I asked all the right questions.. talked on the phone numerous times before the meet and even skyped a few times and their was no mistaking the connection. We met at a restaurant overlooking a lake.. he was the perfect gentlemen.. had all the right answers.. dressed well.. drove a car that reflected his wealth. So you are thinking WOW she finally found the SD she is looking for and is back off the market, right? Wrong. Leased Car.. and quickly learned when the bill came for dinner and the best wine money can buy.. that three times he would give the waiter a credit card.. three different ones and they were all declined and here I sit thinking not again.. I already did the dutch thing..felt I did not want to make a scene again so pulled out my debit card and took a big hit in my bank balance to the tune of close to 600 bucks.. yep that is right.. omg.. this is what I did not need. When we left the restaurant I suggested he sit in my car a few minutes to talk and I asked him how he felt he could afford an arrangement when it is obvious his credit cards are maxed out.. He claimed this often happens as he is so busy he often forgets to send in the checks.. yeah right.. he also told me he would pay me back and then even had the audacity to ask me if I could loan him a few bucks. We are taught to look for clues like the Rolex on his wrist.. some knockoffs today are hard to spot.. and his was real so I suggested he pawn it and foot his own bills.. I know that sounds harsh but an arrangement needs to be built on trust to reach a certain level of hotness. It needs a certain level of passion and mutual chemistry.. chemistry often falls apart where deceit enters in.
When he got out of the car I knew this was another one of those experiences that I was going to learn from.. what I learned is no matter how carefully we screen we are still going to meet our share of duds but in the process I was letting my true personality show.. the nice person who has compassion for people, giving too much away about myself too soon. So I have a meet scheduled for an hour from now with another Pot... will this one be any different as I have shared quite a bit with him.. this is a second meet and the first setting had potential enough for me to agree to a second meeting. He is older, much older than I would have considered in his late 60's but hot for his age. He also did something that I have not run across before.. suggesting that the second meeting be open ended so I do not plan to leave right after dinner. So drinks and dancing are included and we shall see from there. He wants to talk arrangement over dinner tonight and get down to my bottom line on what I need.. expectations.. and asked me to make a mental list of what I feel would be the ideal arrangement for the two of us. In the past Pot's have often been concerned with their viewpoint their needs and this is what made me aware that I was not finding quality that I sought after.. like who took the mutual out of mutually beneficial arrangement. The search can be fun, the meets can be exciting but if you do not do your homework and pay attention to those little signs and clues that tell you what kind of person your Pot really is.. then you will find much drama in the search along with aggravation. Now I am actively searching profiles myself instead of just responding to those who are contacting me. I am also being more selective and no longer restricting myself to only my area.
Oh yes I do ask... I want to know how he envisions the sexuality of his sugar mate.. what kinks he has and what he expects to explore behind closed doors. I have quickly discovered that you can have chemistry and click with someone but some kinks may be something that I am not comfortable with. I recently turned down an offer of arrangement as I was not comfortable that he had two other sugars and often takes all sugars on trips together and expects the girls to all interact with each on a sexual level and according to his instructions and fantasies. I had not met these women.. no idea what they look like.. who they are.. and did not feel that this arrangement was mutually beneficial for me when I am giving away my right to choose who I am with.
Know your Pot's expectations.. are they realistic, do they fit your own. If this arrangement is one where you need to move you need to know from the beginning how much additional support you will receive for moving such as apartment allowance, moving allowance etc. and never do anything without getting the money first.. any one can say you will be reimbursed but not everyone means what they say.
With Craigs List removing their adult service section, I have noticed I am getting more hits on my profile that I have online. I have noticed an increase at how many of the contacts I receive do not really have an understanding of life in the sugar bowl and are basically just looking to meet get laid and move on. This is why it is so important to screen and be patient. Often if our finances are tight it makes it even harder to be selective but the wait is worth it.
Recently I was excited about meeting a new Pot... I asked all the right questions.. talked on the phone numerous times before the meet and even skyped a few times and their was no mistaking the connection. We met at a restaurant overlooking a lake.. he was the perfect gentlemen.. had all the right answers.. dressed well.. drove a car that reflected his wealth. So you are thinking WOW she finally found the SD she is looking for and is back off the market, right? Wrong. Leased Car.. and quickly learned when the bill came for dinner and the best wine money can buy.. that three times he would give the waiter a credit card.. three different ones and they were all declined and here I sit thinking not again.. I already did the dutch thing..felt I did not want to make a scene again so pulled out my debit card and took a big hit in my bank balance to the tune of close to 600 bucks.. yep that is right.. omg.. this is what I did not need. When we left the restaurant I suggested he sit in my car a few minutes to talk and I asked him how he felt he could afford an arrangement when it is obvious his credit cards are maxed out.. He claimed this often happens as he is so busy he often forgets to send in the checks.. yeah right.. he also told me he would pay me back and then even had the audacity to ask me if I could loan him a few bucks. We are taught to look for clues like the Rolex on his wrist.. some knockoffs today are hard to spot.. and his was real so I suggested he pawn it and foot his own bills.. I know that sounds harsh but an arrangement needs to be built on trust to reach a certain level of hotness. It needs a certain level of passion and mutual chemistry.. chemistry often falls apart where deceit enters in.
When he got out of the car I knew this was another one of those experiences that I was going to learn from.. what I learned is no matter how carefully we screen we are still going to meet our share of duds but in the process I was letting my true personality show.. the nice person who has compassion for people, giving too much away about myself too soon. So I have a meet scheduled for an hour from now with another Pot... will this one be any different as I have shared quite a bit with him.. this is a second meet and the first setting had potential enough for me to agree to a second meeting. He is older, much older than I would have considered in his late 60's but hot for his age. He also did something that I have not run across before.. suggesting that the second meeting be open ended so I do not plan to leave right after dinner. So drinks and dancing are included and we shall see from there. He wants to talk arrangement over dinner tonight and get down to my bottom line on what I need.. expectations.. and asked me to make a mental list of what I feel would be the ideal arrangement for the two of us. In the past Pot's have often been concerned with their viewpoint their needs and this is what made me aware that I was not finding quality that I sought after.. like who took the mutual out of mutually beneficial arrangement. The search can be fun, the meets can be exciting but if you do not do your homework and pay attention to those little signs and clues that tell you what kind of person your Pot really is.. then you will find much drama in the search along with aggravation. Now I am actively searching profiles myself instead of just responding to those who are contacting me. I am also being more selective and no longer restricting myself to only my area.
The Screening Process:Getting it Right Part 3
My second round of questions during the screening process focuses on getting a real feeling for the person. There are many types of sugar daddies but I am only interested in a selective group that also wants to establish a level of intimacy , develop trust and friendship to some degree and one who also needs to have chemistry on both sides. My questions are designed to focus on this group, I would like to point out that as you determine what type of sugar arrangement you seek, your questions should help you to determine if this Pot is looking for the same type of arrangement as you. For example I do not meet P4P types as I am not interested in this type of arrangement and if I quickly determine this, I save time and energy in the search process.
Questions:
Is there something that stood out about me that brought you to the decision to contact me? ( if the answer is picture and nothing more.. I give it some thought)
What qualities do you search for in real life with a female companion and how do you feel it has changed if any in your search for a SB?
Can you describe your ideal SB and what your vision of a good sugar arrangement might be? ( I look for number of meets here, if he simply just list sexual stuff or is looking for substance as well)
How do you feel people who know you well would describe you? ( I added this question recently and was surprised at the answers I have gotten from the pompous to the very humble and honest answers. This is a great way to learn more ..just watch out for I statements like I am this and I am that.. as we are not asking him for his opinion about himself but instead his opinion of how he thinks others perceive him.)
Which of the following statements describes you? Easy to get along with< Laid Back< Semi Controlling, Controlling, Dominant, Submissive, a tad difficult?
What type of sugar daddy would you describe yourself as? Gifting, allowance, P4P, Travel, combination or other and please explain.
In each round of questions I pay attention to certain clues and facts:
Have they asked me questions in return? I have learned that when I am asked no questions at all or only ones that are all sexually oriented that they are usually not as selective as I am.. not interested in chemistry or mutual connection and just want to get laid.
Often a pot will go poof on second set of questions.. this is fine by me as I do not want to waste a lot of time meeting the wrong ones.. and focus on the ones of quality .
Once I have reviewed all the answers I ask if there is anything they would like to know about me that we have not discussed and suggest we do this through a phone call. I have added skype calls when I feel I may be harboring doubts about a pot's sincerity. However, I do not do in any form or manner phone sex.. online cam sex.. I am not looking to be someones call girl or escort.. and often find this brings up that suggestion.. so use caution. It does give us the opportunity to see how someone looks in real time.
After a couple phone conversations I move on or suggest a meet if he has not. For me the search is about finding the one who you can be comfortable with for an arrangement.. and though it may sound harsh.. it is important to have some common ground and chemistry is essential.
What questions do you ask and how detailed do you like the answers to be? I have on occasion asked what he felt a productive first and second meet should be like? Even drawing a Pot out to paint a picture of what, where, etc. and this often has brought me to the decision to not waste time meeting.. especially when they suggest things like.. after dinner maybe we can sit in my car and do a little heavy petting....NEXT..lol...
Coming The Final Part of my screening process and paying attention to the clues we do not always see.
Questions:
Is there something that stood out about me that brought you to the decision to contact me? ( if the answer is picture and nothing more.. I give it some thought)
What qualities do you search for in real life with a female companion and how do you feel it has changed if any in your search for a SB?
Can you describe your ideal SB and what your vision of a good sugar arrangement might be? ( I look for number of meets here, if he simply just list sexual stuff or is looking for substance as well)
How do you feel people who know you well would describe you? ( I added this question recently and was surprised at the answers I have gotten from the pompous to the very humble and honest answers. This is a great way to learn more ..just watch out for I statements like I am this and I am that.. as we are not asking him for his opinion about himself but instead his opinion of how he thinks others perceive him.)
Which of the following statements describes you? Easy to get along with< Laid Back< Semi Controlling, Controlling, Dominant, Submissive, a tad difficult?
What type of sugar daddy would you describe yourself as? Gifting, allowance, P4P, Travel, combination or other and please explain.
In each round of questions I pay attention to certain clues and facts:
Have they asked me questions in return? I have learned that when I am asked no questions at all or only ones that are all sexually oriented that they are usually not as selective as I am.. not interested in chemistry or mutual connection and just want to get laid.
Often a pot will go poof on second set of questions.. this is fine by me as I do not want to waste a lot of time meeting the wrong ones.. and focus on the ones of quality .
Once I have reviewed all the answers I ask if there is anything they would like to know about me that we have not discussed and suggest we do this through a phone call. I have added skype calls when I feel I may be harboring doubts about a pot's sincerity. However, I do not do in any form or manner phone sex.. online cam sex.. I am not looking to be someones call girl or escort.. and often find this brings up that suggestion.. so use caution. It does give us the opportunity to see how someone looks in real time.
After a couple phone conversations I move on or suggest a meet if he has not. For me the search is about finding the one who you can be comfortable with for an arrangement.. and though it may sound harsh.. it is important to have some common ground and chemistry is essential.
What questions do you ask and how detailed do you like the answers to be? I have on occasion asked what he felt a productive first and second meet should be like? Even drawing a Pot out to paint a picture of what, where, etc. and this often has brought me to the decision to not waste time meeting.. especially when they suggest things like.. after dinner maybe we can sit in my car and do a little heavy petting....NEXT..lol...
Coming The Final Part of my screening process and paying attention to the clues we do not always see.
Fake Sugar Daddies Exposed
Fake Sugar Daddies Exposed
I wanted to share this link as I just stumbled upon it.. and it is an excellent idea.. gives us the opportunity to learn about someone from the one who has had the bad experience.
Just keep in mind that we all have different opinions and there is also the chance that someone can get put on the list for all the wrong reasons.
I wanted to share this link as I just stumbled upon it.. and it is an excellent idea.. gives us the opportunity to learn about someone from the one who has had the bad experience.
Just keep in mind that we all have different opinions and there is also the chance that someone can get put on the list for all the wrong reasons.
The Screening Process: Getting it Right Part2
The screening process is essential to avoid pit falls but I do not think there is anything that is fool proof. As I have recently taken my profile out of its hidden status on a site that caters to sugar arrangements, I updated my photos but did not change my profile. Instead I changed the way I approach the initial emails and looking for clues hidden in picture and words.
My questions are now more focused and a few of them are actually designed to catch if someone is lying to me.. for example I recently asked one Pot what type of foods he likes and some of his favorite restaurants in Chicago. Of course he typed out three of the most exclusive restaurants that Chicago has to offer.. and all this can be discovered by a simple Google search. When we talked on the phone I mentioned one of restaurants he listed and asked his favorite dish and he told me something that is not on their menu..lol.. I told him I was fond of the female maitre d' there.. and he agreed with me she is the sweetest.. no females in that position at this particular place. So what I learned was that he would easily lie and I wasted no more time.
Initially I ask:
What motivated you to seek a sugar arrangement?
Have you had previous sugar arrangements in the past?
Why have you contacted me? ( ask this when the Pot ask me questions that have already been answered in my profile as this is a sign he did not read the profile)
What are your expectations in seeking a sugar arrangement?
If the Pot has stated he has been in previous arrangements I also ask how long they lasted? I listen for statements like just a few meetings or weeks or couple months that opens the door to ask what type of arrangement they had. Often I have discovered these will be P4P which I am not interested in.
If I am interested at this point in the correspondence I will ask a second set of questions. These are specifically designed to learn more detail in what the Pot is searching for and give me the opportunity to discover if he is looking for a sex only closed door arrangement, or seeking companionship along with the sugar that is based on building trust and mutual chemistry.
I always ask at this stage if he is searching for an arrangement based on an allowance. Not all SD's are and often they do not state what allowance they are willing to provide. Again I like this clarified before the meet to avoid running into any more P4P situations.
If the first meet requires me to travel away from my home area which means both finances and time invested I am now more cautious to accept unless it is clarified in advance that I will be reimbursed. More often I will just refuse, if a Pot is interested in me and has some distance from my area.. my point is he is seeking me out an initially a gentlemen usually would if he could make sure the SB feels secure and comfortable.
What questions do you first ask? I will list my final questions which I am quickly discovering are helping me to screen out the wannabees and fakes quite fast in Part 3.
I recently requested to Skype with one Pot which I quickly discovered that the pictures he sent me were not him. He did not even realize he was busted until I finally brought it up to give him a chance to explain. Being caught off guard he told me he had not done this before, lied about not being in a relationship, and could barely afford to take a girl out to dinner. He was just trying to get some hot pictures of girls. Sometimes we need to be creative to discover the truth if our guts tells us something is amiss.
My questions are now more focused and a few of them are actually designed to catch if someone is lying to me.. for example I recently asked one Pot what type of foods he likes and some of his favorite restaurants in Chicago. Of course he typed out three of the most exclusive restaurants that Chicago has to offer.. and all this can be discovered by a simple Google search. When we talked on the phone I mentioned one of restaurants he listed and asked his favorite dish and he told me something that is not on their menu..lol.. I told him I was fond of the female maitre d' there.. and he agreed with me she is the sweetest.. no females in that position at this particular place. So what I learned was that he would easily lie and I wasted no more time.
Initially I ask:
What motivated you to seek a sugar arrangement?
Have you had previous sugar arrangements in the past?
Why have you contacted me? ( ask this when the Pot ask me questions that have already been answered in my profile as this is a sign he did not read the profile)
What are your expectations in seeking a sugar arrangement?
If the Pot has stated he has been in previous arrangements I also ask how long they lasted? I listen for statements like just a few meetings or weeks or couple months that opens the door to ask what type of arrangement they had. Often I have discovered these will be P4P which I am not interested in.
If I am interested at this point in the correspondence I will ask a second set of questions. These are specifically designed to learn more detail in what the Pot is searching for and give me the opportunity to discover if he is looking for a sex only closed door arrangement, or seeking companionship along with the sugar that is based on building trust and mutual chemistry.
I always ask at this stage if he is searching for an arrangement based on an allowance. Not all SD's are and often they do not state what allowance they are willing to provide. Again I like this clarified before the meet to avoid running into any more P4P situations.
If the first meet requires me to travel away from my home area which means both finances and time invested I am now more cautious to accept unless it is clarified in advance that I will be reimbursed. More often I will just refuse, if a Pot is interested in me and has some distance from my area.. my point is he is seeking me out an initially a gentlemen usually would if he could make sure the SB feels secure and comfortable.
What questions do you first ask? I will list my final questions which I am quickly discovering are helping me to screen out the wannabees and fakes quite fast in Part 3.
I recently requested to Skype with one Pot which I quickly discovered that the pictures he sent me were not him. He did not even realize he was busted until I finally brought it up to give him a chance to explain. Being caught off guard he told me he had not done this before, lied about not being in a relationship, and could barely afford to take a girl out to dinner. He was just trying to get some hot pictures of girls. Sometimes we need to be creative to discover the truth if our guts tells us something is amiss.
The Screening Process: Getting it Right Part 1
Most of us can agree that as we search for a sugar arrangement, it is often very hard to to determine who is real or fake. Sugar Dating has changed as it has transcended into the online medium. There are many web sites out there that cater or appear to cater to the Sugar Daddies or Sugar Babies , however, even some of these sites are not what they appear to be. I touched on an earlier post about some sites that share data bases and when I had searched on some of these I was surprised to find how many how had even logged in for over 1 year or longer. There are so many curiosity seekers out there today.. seen an article or show about sugar dating and basically viewed it as a way to get quick sex and many of them have no idea what a real sugar dad/babe even is or does.
As I started searching for a new arrangement, I have stumbled on many contacts that seemed to have all the right answers to the questions I asked.. and when the meeting takes place they are nothing like what they claim to be. I started rereading archived blogs.. and discovered how many people feel the same way I do and have similar experiences. I started paying attention to statements regarding what SD/SB's wish they had asked and did not. This led to a whole new list of questions that I have been asking before I will agree to meet someone. At first I felt awkward about asking some of these questions but quickly was greeted with appreciation by potentials as many have commented to me that they appreciate my addressing some issues and asking them things they feel also needs to be said.
I just had an amazing first meet with one pot recently that I got to know through my list of questions and was so grateful that I had a SD with quality. My point is I was able to learn more about his character.. if he has any sexual kinks.. what his preferences are.. I know exactly what he is willing to do in an arrangement.. what his average length of arrangement is.. know his food preferences.. the type of dress he prefers his SB to wear in public and after the first meeting I was given a very generous gift certificate which shows me a hint into his generosity. Before the meeting we discussed how long we would both be comfortable with on the initial meet.. and where would be the best place for that.. which would reflect both of our food taste. He learned through me what some of my interest were and took me on a lovely little trip where he also gifted me some electronic toys which I was very pleased and grateful for. I do not require gifts but love an occasional something that lets me know we are good together during the arrangement.
As I had gotten most of the difficult questions out of the way before we met.. we just enjoyed our time together.. no sex at this point of course.. just getting to know each other but as the saying goes "I like what I see... I have changed it to I Respect What I See" and finally I am finding quality SD's out there.. as I have had the privilege of having quality in a SD before I knew it existed just did not realize how all the good ones appeared to be taken. Developing a list of questions that helps you to determine just how real they are is actually important. Holding them to a high standard is equally important. In part 2 I will list my new questions but I encourage you to look at how you presently screen a potential albeit SB or SD and really think about what you need to know to see if their value system and kinks are mutual for starters. I also discovered a neat little device that when they send you email to your personal email account or one set up just to screen like gmail or yahoo.. how you can check out the ip address and located the town it is assigned too. There are many little things we can do that are free to see if someone is telling us the truth or a lie.. but if they say they are at home in an email and tell you they are from for example Cincinnati and their account pings in Mexico.. the old adage buyer beware applies. Some people operate under anonymity which is fine.. but as you check out the little things and nothing checks out.. well for me I just move on now. Stay tuned for the List!
Mr. Liar Liar Pants on Fire:Financial Lessons Learned
Navigating the financial side of an arrangement for me can be quite daunting. It takes an element of trust to turn over banking information to a potential SD. If one person learns from my mistake, it will be a lesson well learned.
Disclaimer: This story is true and factual ...the names and locations have been changed to protect the other person ... as there are two sides to every story and often three.
I spent close to a month with endless emails, text and phone calls with a potential SD.. due to the distance between us and his need to have me fly to him at what ever location he was at the time.. I felt getting to know him better before the meet was crucial. It went against the sage advice I had been given for the initial meeting to be on my own territory. Mr. Liar Liar Pants on fire.. which from this point on will be referred to as Mr. LLPOF.. was very charming.. well groomed.. appeared to be who he said he was. He arranged a flight for me for the first meeting.. and then contacted me three days later stated something had suddenly come up in business and he needed to cancel but we would get together when he got back. At night I still heard from him and felt pretty comfortable with the fact that he was making the effort to let me know that he was sincere.
A week later he notified me he was going to be in a big city close to me and would like to meet and take me out to dinner. When he arrived it was in a rental car.. of course he is from a state 7 states away from me so I thought nothing of it. I was giddy with excitement and I thought he was so perfect... we spent some time together and he headed back. The next day he called me to discuss the arrangement and told me had a couple overseas trips coming up but would stay in touch.. however, he wanted to go ahead and provide me with financial security on our arrangement and he would wire the money to my bank. I was very naive with the thoughts of what information to give so I simply answered his questions honestly and gave my social security number, birth date, birth name, routing and account number of bank.. He asked me if I did online banking and I told him know I just got to the bank. He asked me which was my home branch and I told him. Never give out that much personal information to someone right away... this was a huge mistake.
A couple days later I had not heard from him.. so I sent him a text message and went on about my business.. that evening I went to the bank machine to pull out a hundred bucks.. and the machine kept my card.. I was shocked as the money left from my student loans was still in my account and knew I had enough money to get me through a few months. The next morning I went to my bank and was told I had closed my account.. transferred it via wire transfer to a state on the West Coast. I argued that this was not so.. and learned through the process that I had signed up for online banking.. of course the IP address is logged.. through the bank and they had many ways through their fraud department to track all this down.. but the time it took hurt me and I struggled for quite some time. When you give such detailed information to someone you give them the ability to pull off many things. What amazed me was that when this guy was caught he had a female accomplice and they had quite a scam going. I met him through CL last year and have never been back to that site after what happened.
When you give away such information you set your self up for identity theft.. there are some ways to avoid this.. cash.. or my favorite an American express gift card which can be for thousands of dollars.. you can take it to the bank machine and draw money off it.. use it as you would a credit card as well. I have learned through others that it also can be unwise to accept personal checks. Trust is essential in an arrangement but never give away your trust so easily as I did. Learn from my mistakes.. build that trust before you give away such personal financial information.
Searching for my Mister Big
The hardest part of searching for me is the introduction. My first experience in the sugar world was by chance.. meeting someone on an airplane and through this chance meeting it materialized to me flying to him when he called. The level of excitement that would course through my veins was so high, the anticipation of what we do during our time together.. the magic of a behind closed doors relationship. In some ways I was groomed by him to be what he wanted me to be and I was young enough to be naive enough to go along with it. As the relationship developed I spent more and more time with him and basically found myself a kept woman at his beck and call which developed into a real relationship. There is no fairy tale as a person grows up and realizes they have lost their own personality and yet the finer things in life beckon and call. In the sugar coated world I gained an appreciation to travel, having the chances to visit famous archeological ruins, museums that house the most amazing collections of fine art. I learned so many life lessons that helped me to develop as a person and the journey was worth it.
As I look back I realize how grateful I am for the opportunities that were presented to me..however..in retrospect he was not the person I would have chosen if I had been searching for a sugar daddy. Now I am looking for another amazing experience but have quickly discovered that the easiest way to do this is through internet technology and there are many sites available for that.. there are also sites that share databases which all require you to sign up for their services at a monthly fee. The problem with shared databases is that a large percentage of the data base is inactive members. The second problem I have ran across is the profile each person needs to create.. and the level of honesty that not everyone uses in their profiles. I thought by using current photos of myself that this would help weed out people that were not attracted to me right from the start. Instead I found that it opened me up to being a target to a certain type of lurker who basically is collecting photographs and soon goes poof.
In my search I have finally had to ask myself what I am attracted to and what I want out of an arrangement. If an arrangement is going to be mutually beneficial I realized that mutual chemistry was a must, and integrity was also essential. In my life I choose people around me who are honest, hard working, open and loving people... so why would I want less out of the person I would go into an arrangement with. I also have realized I want some one who is spontaneous and enjoys spur of the moment events as well as planned activities and one who likes to make love making moments last and endure for a while. Armed with my self evaluation I started returning inquiries that I had received and arranging to meet a few potentials.
One that I met I will refer to as Mr. Bird not for the obvious choice but as we met at a public place by a fountain at a designated time.. I found myself sitting on a bench looking at my watch and getting annoyed my his lateness and my this annoying bird that kept walking past me. I kept looking around to see why this person was dressed in a bird costume and shaking its tail feathers at me as it kept parading by. I saw no one else around the bird or any signs that gave me a clue to what he was promoting but children were quickly coming up to the bird and parents were taking pictures with their camera phones of their children with this annoying bird. After half an hour I realized that this potential SD was not showing and I got up to go back to my vehicle and head home. As I got to the parking lot I kept hearing a whistle and turned around to find that annoying bird following me and got nervous. As it approached me the bird took off his head and to my surprise this was my pot..lol.. not the approach I expected yet I did find it humorous. He asked me to give him a few minutes to change and we would head to dinner. At first I thought this guy is nuts and I had better run.. but I didn't. I ended up laughing much through dinner and appreciating his sense of humor.. but the picture he had sent me was 15 years old and he looked nothing like the body type I expected and needless to say there was no chemistry there for me except I enjoyed his sense of humor and I still hear from him every few weeks as an email buddy and I am always up for a laugh.
My second potential SD meet required me to travel at my expense 600 miles.. which I choose to get myself a hotel room as it was too far for me to drive back home late at night and being exhausted. I had talked to him 4 times before I agreed to meet but he was also one who did not send accurate pictures.. and actually had lied about his name, his position in life, practically every thing he told me. I did not recognize him when I met him, he had an odor about him that was a complete turnoff to me and he got up from the table at desert to go to the restroom and never came back which left me picking up the check. This trip cost me a few hundred dollars that I could not afford at the time.. but also left me with one of those life lessons that helped me to understand the wisdom of having a potential SD come to your area for the first meet. I never heard from him again and blocked him from contacting me again . I have read that SD's also feel they have been used by SB's so I realize now how important screening is and how much better it is to not give out too much information about one's self until I have met the person and have a chance to get to know the person.
In my next post I will discuss the number one reason to not give out account information right away when one things they have an arrangement and he will wire the money to ones account.
As I look back I realize how grateful I am for the opportunities that were presented to me..however..in retrospect he was not the person I would have chosen if I had been searching for a sugar daddy. Now I am looking for another amazing experience but have quickly discovered that the easiest way to do this is through internet technology and there are many sites available for that.. there are also sites that share databases which all require you to sign up for their services at a monthly fee. The problem with shared databases is that a large percentage of the data base is inactive members. The second problem I have ran across is the profile each person needs to create.. and the level of honesty that not everyone uses in their profiles. I thought by using current photos of myself that this would help weed out people that were not attracted to me right from the start. Instead I found that it opened me up to being a target to a certain type of lurker who basically is collecting photographs and soon goes poof.
In my search I have finally had to ask myself what I am attracted to and what I want out of an arrangement. If an arrangement is going to be mutually beneficial I realized that mutual chemistry was a must, and integrity was also essential. In my life I choose people around me who are honest, hard working, open and loving people... so why would I want less out of the person I would go into an arrangement with. I also have realized I want some one who is spontaneous and enjoys spur of the moment events as well as planned activities and one who likes to make love making moments last and endure for a while. Armed with my self evaluation I started returning inquiries that I had received and arranging to meet a few potentials.
One that I met I will refer to as Mr. Bird not for the obvious choice but as we met at a public place by a fountain at a designated time.. I found myself sitting on a bench looking at my watch and getting annoyed my his lateness and my this annoying bird that kept walking past me. I kept looking around to see why this person was dressed in a bird costume and shaking its tail feathers at me as it kept parading by. I saw no one else around the bird or any signs that gave me a clue to what he was promoting but children were quickly coming up to the bird and parents were taking pictures with their camera phones of their children with this annoying bird. After half an hour I realized that this potential SD was not showing and I got up to go back to my vehicle and head home. As I got to the parking lot I kept hearing a whistle and turned around to find that annoying bird following me and got nervous. As it approached me the bird took off his head and to my surprise this was my pot..lol.. not the approach I expected yet I did find it humorous. He asked me to give him a few minutes to change and we would head to dinner. At first I thought this guy is nuts and I had better run.. but I didn't. I ended up laughing much through dinner and appreciating his sense of humor.. but the picture he had sent me was 15 years old and he looked nothing like the body type I expected and needless to say there was no chemistry there for me except I enjoyed his sense of humor and I still hear from him every few weeks as an email buddy and I am always up for a laugh.
My second potential SD meet required me to travel at my expense 600 miles.. which I choose to get myself a hotel room as it was too far for me to drive back home late at night and being exhausted. I had talked to him 4 times before I agreed to meet but he was also one who did not send accurate pictures.. and actually had lied about his name, his position in life, practically every thing he told me. I did not recognize him when I met him, he had an odor about him that was a complete turnoff to me and he got up from the table at desert to go to the restroom and never came back which left me picking up the check. This trip cost me a few hundred dollars that I could not afford at the time.. but also left me with one of those life lessons that helped me to understand the wisdom of having a potential SD come to your area for the first meet. I never heard from him again and blocked him from contacting me again . I have read that SD's also feel they have been used by SB's so I realize now how important screening is and how much better it is to not give out too much information about one's self until I have met the person and have a chance to get to know the person.
In my next post I will discuss the number one reason to not give out account information right away when one things they have an arrangement and he will wire the money to ones account.
Sugar by Chance
My first exploration into the sugar world was by chance not by design. It is funny that as I look back I did not even realize I was a sugar babe. I met someone at an airport.. and the chemistry was hot.. he was twice my age and we exchanged phone numbers. Within a week we were talking on the phone.. but his age was in the back of my mind. After talking for over a month I agree to see him and he flew me out for a weekend. I was fascinated with his knowledge, loved his guidance and quickly started seeing him on the weekends. I still remember him telling me he wanted to take care of me and make life easier for me and each month he would provide me with financial assistance to help me out.
After close to a year of this.. one day one of my friends informed me I was nothing but a glorified call girl as I was at his beck and call... that did not bother me as I loved the time we shared.. chemistry was off the scale.. and I felt like had the opportunity to explore my own sensuality and sexuality. For me it was such an empowering experience and one that last for quite some time. Our arrangement gave me the freedom to pursue my own dreams and education.. for which I am so grateful. I learned so much from him as a mentor, got to travel to many places that I would not have seen.. but it was those quiet alone times that I appreciated the most. When our arrangement finally ended .. it was all good and we are still friends today to many degrees. What I learned was what an amazing experience this was and how less complicated it was for me from traditional dating.. but in the end he was my Sugar Daddy and I his Sugar Babe.. earlier this year as I was thinking back I thought about this experience and the possibilities of exploring the sugar world online. That led me to a website with the idea of seeking another arrangement.. in the online world I find it harder as we use profiles... people can write anything and it takes time to discover who is real and who is not.
It is also hard to create a profile that reflects who I am and what I have to offer.. but I have learned as I read others profiles to look for signs that might tell me if that person is being real or fake. I do not think being a sugar is for everyone, and each of us has our own reason for doing things.. I love a world that is sugar coated.. one where you can truly let your hair down.. not feel inhibited .. and enjoy everything the other person has to offer.. being able to learn from his experience.. to often travel to some magical places.. and the meetings just can get so intense which is something I never found in traditional dating. In my next post I will focus on the search and what I have learned about looking for the right arrangement and person for me.
After close to a year of this.. one day one of my friends informed me I was nothing but a glorified call girl as I was at his beck and call... that did not bother me as I loved the time we shared.. chemistry was off the scale.. and I felt like had the opportunity to explore my own sensuality and sexuality. For me it was such an empowering experience and one that last for quite some time. Our arrangement gave me the freedom to pursue my own dreams and education.. for which I am so grateful. I learned so much from him as a mentor, got to travel to many places that I would not have seen.. but it was those quiet alone times that I appreciated the most. When our arrangement finally ended .. it was all good and we are still friends today to many degrees. What I learned was what an amazing experience this was and how less complicated it was for me from traditional dating.. but in the end he was my Sugar Daddy and I his Sugar Babe.. earlier this year as I was thinking back I thought about this experience and the possibilities of exploring the sugar world online. That led me to a website with the idea of seeking another arrangement.. in the online world I find it harder as we use profiles... people can write anything and it takes time to discover who is real and who is not.
It is also hard to create a profile that reflects who I am and what I have to offer.. but I have learned as I read others profiles to look for signs that might tell me if that person is being real or fake. I do not think being a sugar is for everyone, and each of us has our own reason for doing things.. I love a world that is sugar coated.. one where you can truly let your hair down.. not feel inhibited .. and enjoy everything the other person has to offer.. being able to learn from his experience.. to often travel to some magical places.. and the meetings just can get so intense which is something I never found in traditional dating. In my next post I will focus on the search and what I have learned about looking for the right arrangement and person for me.
New Beginnings
I have always had a sweet tooth, sweet personality and sweet ideals so it was a natural progression for me delve into the Sugar Coated life of searching for sugar. My blog is simply about my own perceptions of what being a sugar babe is to me and how where my journey takes me.
Many television programs have featured sugar dating in the past couple years.. but none I feel have done it justice. Especially when they compare it to prostitution, when I dated traditionally and dated a person of quality I constantly received gifts or financial help along the way if I needed it. In the sugar world.. the same applies.. the difference for me is that as a Sugar Babe I know I can count on that assistance. As this blog progresses I will explore the mistakes I have made along the way.. what brought me to think about my safety and other concerns along with some of my adventures and how the world has opened up for me.
So join me in this journey and share your experiences as well with me.
Many television programs have featured sugar dating in the past couple years.. but none I feel have done it justice. Especially when they compare it to prostitution, when I dated traditionally and dated a person of quality I constantly received gifts or financial help along the way if I needed it. In the sugar world.. the same applies.. the difference for me is that as a Sugar Babe I know I can count on that assistance. As this blog progresses I will explore the mistakes I have made along the way.. what brought me to think about my safety and other concerns along with some of my adventures and how the world has opened up for me.
So join me in this journey and share your experiences as well with me.
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