I am addressing an issue that a few people have clicked on my email link and sent some interesting emails to me and though I appreciate your discretion I feel strongly now about addressing this on my blog to not contribute to any more drama and also give you food for thought.
Tin Eye located at www.tineye.com is a reverse image service on the internet where you can copy a picture location and paste into the URL search. They have millions of scanned images that are in their data base that is done through a web crawler that matches pixels and other factors instead of key words. Even if you are using your own image your picture will often track back to the person who has taken the picture.. so do you have the rights to use this picture? I have learned today the answer is yes and no.. if it has been uploaded to for example an amateur photo site the licensing of this picture will track back to the person who first uploaded it. You must request written permission to use this photo and also give credit to the person who took this picture. Having said all this.. I am now learning even if you have taken a photograph sitting in front of your web cam and have posted it on the internet for example in your facebook profile.. and someone grabs the image and actually uses it on the web for example in one of many data bases that get scanned for images the licensing of this photo becomes the property of that person who uploaded it as this is where the image tracks back too.. I looked at dates knowing there is no way that someone could have a sooner date and time then me as it was taken on my computer cam.. but it opens up the door to how I ask for permission for something I have taken my self and have no rights to as I did not copyright my picture nor did I originally post it on a data base that images are scanned daily from. I do not have the answers.. but I have learned another lesson, and this is to make sure that my pictures track back to me or that I get the expressed permission to use my likeness.
I took post off and pictures of me while I do just that.. and have so far been emailed one permission and also verification that it is me in the picture. When someone takes your picture and uploads it where it tracks back there are also things they can do which includes your real name in the tags.. and so forth but do you want a lot of personal information of you out there? We live in a world where we want to check up on each other but we also need to use some reasoning. I urge all of you to check out your own pictures and understand if you run into track backs that lead to other people this does not mean your identity is being stolen or that you are fake but simply that the person who took a picture is where it leads..also if you discover as I have that even a picture you took yourself from your computer leads to someone else it is because you have put it out there unprotected where they could capture it. I like the Tin Eye site and think it is a great tool to help you determine certain things but just remember that often it is not what you may think. I will shortly be restoring my post and pictures with attachments of documents for written permission and contact info to verify this of each picture in question. I am sorry to even have to address this on my blog but I take pride in who I am and felt under attack to some extent and I even know that the person who addressed the issue that this was not her intention.. and it is a valid point that she makes.. as various pics track back to different locations all the same person in each picture.. I know this because it is me.. if anyone still has doubts I am on skype and more than happy to do skype calls to verify my identity.. I often have used skype in the past when I had doubts about a pot SD and that either removed my doubts or proved I was right in doubting. So I urge you to think critically when looking into someones background, pictures, profiles and when in doubt just simply ask to skype.. or ask for proof as those that are real should not have a problem with addressing the issue and will probably be relieved to clear up your doubts.
Tarnish Halo
When we enter the sugar bowl we are often unprepared and at one point everyone is a newbie.. and slowly we learn how to negotiate an arrangement in the sugar world. We often meet lots of fakes and just when we think we have heard everything and try to learn from the mistakes we have made.. some how ones slips through that tops everything we have seen so far. I am usually a very patient person and actually believe in Karma that what you put out comes back to you.. but lately I have had my doubts.. as the few bumps in the road I have ran into I have dealt with them being true to myself and keeping my dignity and sweet spirit through out. So tonight I get a phone call on my sugar phone but I did not recognize the number and for someone to be calling it I assume I gave this person the number.
I answer and he says hello how have you been sugar.. I did not recognize the voice but he called me sugar so automatically I think it is someone who I had been messaging that had not gotten around to calling me until now. I tell him I am doing well ask him how he has been.. He tells me good.. wants to know if he is calling me at a bad time. Of course I tell him no.. desperately trying to rack my brain to determine who I am talking too. He tells me he has been very busy lately but he had something very exciting to share with me.. so I start thinking he must have just made an arrangement with someone else and giving me a courtesy call.. I mean like what else would it be. So I tell him well tell me.. but before you do could you please refresh my memory on who you are can you give me your profile number??
He was quiet for a second and then said oh you mean my account number.. and gave me a 6 digit number.. so I am booting up my computer to look it up not really thinking about the fact that he said account number so he starts telling me this story about this sweet little gal with the face of angel.. and I am thinking OMG he is actually going to go into details about his new sugar babe.. still waiting on computer to load.. so I try to stall him.. asking him why he feels he needs to tell me about this. He starts laughing and told me when he finishes I will understand..so he launches back into this story about Mary with the face of an angel.. and how she was seeing this guy but they had not had sex but shortly after seeing this guy she became pregnant.. I started laughing saying that is why all women should insist on rain coats.. no laughter from him just silence.. and at this point I am logging into the site where my profile is and going to search my profile number to see if I remember this person but when I entered the number I got nothing.. so now I am confused.. and he is asking me how do I not know this happened in the winter where a flimsy rain coat would not be much protection WTF.. OMG now I am getting more confused.. and I interrupt telling him I have no idea who I am talking to and I entered his number but could not pull up his profile is he sure he gave me the correct number.. again he says you mean my account.. your profile on SA.. what is SA.. OMG who am I talking too? So I just spit it out there and said the only ones who have my sugar phone number are potential sugar daddies and you have my number but for the life of me I have no idea who you are? A very shocked voice on the other end says is this Rebecca? I said not and you are not a sugar daddy are you?.. he informs me NO and maybe I need to hear the end of his story and introduces himself as a Pastor from St. Micheals...OMG.. ouch.. now after feeling like I just confessed or something I patiently let him finish story realizing at that point he was telling the story of Mother Mary...and when he finished he was correlating the no room at the Inn with the amount of people in the area that are losing their homes in this economy and was looking for volunteers and donations to help the homeless as the weather is turning cold and their shelter has many needs..Feeling very unsure of myself I offer help and now you know he has to figure out that my extra money is coming from a sugar daddy..lol.. and he graciously thanks me.. tells me where to send the check and hangs up after he takes my information.. Tonight my halo which I keep polished and sparkling feels a little tarnished tonight. The moral of my story is never take for granted that just because someone is calling you on your sugar phone that it has anything to do with sugar..lol.. and since when do associate pastors make the calls themselves?
Have you ever found yourself in an uncomfortable situation when you are searching and due to the fact that you are speaking with more than one potential or have given out your phone number to more than one person that you struggle to figure out who you are talking to? In the future I will not take it for granted that just because that phone rings that it has anything to do with sugar dating.. the kicker is he was actually calling Rebecca who I assume has donated before and either miscalled the number or that is who had the number before me as I just recently got this disposable phone for sugar purposes last month so I would not be giving out my personal one. Either way it all happens for a reason and I started thinking about the holidays and how many people would be going without if it were not for organizations like this so I am actually glad I got the call and donated.. and plan to call there in the morning and see what else I can do to help.. yes volunteer.. if they allow angels with tarnished halos to help. ;) We often get so caught up in the sugar world of pampering and being pampered that is easy to forget all those who are suffering and going without during the holidays so I challenge everyone who reads this blog to think about making some strangers life a little sweeter this year and donate to one of your local shelters or charities that help provide food or gifts for children during the holiday season.
I answer and he says hello how have you been sugar.. I did not recognize the voice but he called me sugar so automatically I think it is someone who I had been messaging that had not gotten around to calling me until now. I tell him I am doing well ask him how he has been.. He tells me good.. wants to know if he is calling me at a bad time. Of course I tell him no.. desperately trying to rack my brain to determine who I am talking too. He tells me he has been very busy lately but he had something very exciting to share with me.. so I start thinking he must have just made an arrangement with someone else and giving me a courtesy call.. I mean like what else would it be. So I tell him well tell me.. but before you do could you please refresh my memory on who you are can you give me your profile number??
He was quiet for a second and then said oh you mean my account number.. and gave me a 6 digit number.. so I am booting up my computer to look it up not really thinking about the fact that he said account number so he starts telling me this story about this sweet little gal with the face of angel.. and I am thinking OMG he is actually going to go into details about his new sugar babe.. still waiting on computer to load.. so I try to stall him.. asking him why he feels he needs to tell me about this. He starts laughing and told me when he finishes I will understand..so he launches back into this story about Mary with the face of an angel.. and how she was seeing this guy but they had not had sex but shortly after seeing this guy she became pregnant.. I started laughing saying that is why all women should insist on rain coats.. no laughter from him just silence.. and at this point I am logging into the site where my profile is and going to search my profile number to see if I remember this person but when I entered the number I got nothing.. so now I am confused.. and he is asking me how do I not know this happened in the winter where a flimsy rain coat would not be much protection WTF.. OMG now I am getting more confused.. and I interrupt telling him I have no idea who I am talking to and I entered his number but could not pull up his profile is he sure he gave me the correct number.. again he says you mean my account.. your profile on SA.. what is SA.. OMG who am I talking too? So I just spit it out there and said the only ones who have my sugar phone number are potential sugar daddies and you have my number but for the life of me I have no idea who you are? A very shocked voice on the other end says is this Rebecca? I said not and you are not a sugar daddy are you?.. he informs me NO and maybe I need to hear the end of his story and introduces himself as a Pastor from St. Micheals...OMG.. ouch.. now after feeling like I just confessed or something I patiently let him finish story realizing at that point he was telling the story of Mother Mary...and when he finished he was correlating the no room at the Inn with the amount of people in the area that are losing their homes in this economy and was looking for volunteers and donations to help the homeless as the weather is turning cold and their shelter has many needs..Feeling very unsure of myself I offer help and now you know he has to figure out that my extra money is coming from a sugar daddy..lol.. and he graciously thanks me.. tells me where to send the check and hangs up after he takes my information.. Tonight my halo which I keep polished and sparkling feels a little tarnished tonight. The moral of my story is never take for granted that just because someone is calling you on your sugar phone that it has anything to do with sugar..lol.. and since when do associate pastors make the calls themselves?
Have you ever found yourself in an uncomfortable situation when you are searching and due to the fact that you are speaking with more than one potential or have given out your phone number to more than one person that you struggle to figure out who you are talking to? In the future I will not take it for granted that just because that phone rings that it has anything to do with sugar dating.. the kicker is he was actually calling Rebecca who I assume has donated before and either miscalled the number or that is who had the number before me as I just recently got this disposable phone for sugar purposes last month so I would not be giving out my personal one. Either way it all happens for a reason and I started thinking about the holidays and how many people would be going without if it were not for organizations like this so I am actually glad I got the call and donated.. and plan to call there in the morning and see what else I can do to help.. yes volunteer.. if they allow angels with tarnished halos to help. ;) We often get so caught up in the sugar world of pampering and being pampered that is easy to forget all those who are suffering and going without during the holidays so I challenge everyone who reads this blog to think about making some strangers life a little sweeter this year and donate to one of your local shelters or charities that help provide food or gifts for children during the holiday season.
Links and Information Every SB should have!
I started a second blog that is specifically designed to give helpful information for new sugar babes. This is a work in progress and if anyone would like to contribute to help new babes have the 411 to avoid so many of the hazards that we have endured please feel free to contact me. The new blog web address is:
http://thesugar411.blogspot.com/ and has pages regarding the screening process, safety, types of arrangements, how to have the arrangement talk.. how to be specific about your needs including talking about when you will receive your allowance each month and how. It also covers the importance of knowing why you want to be a sugar and questions to ask yourself.
I will be covering a page on travel and safety regarding traveling to meet a SD.. if there are sections that someone feels should be added or would like to add please contact me. Thank You
http://thesugar411.blogspot.com/ and has pages regarding the screening process, safety, types of arrangements, how to have the arrangement talk.. how to be specific about your needs including talking about when you will receive your allowance each month and how. It also covers the importance of knowing why you want to be a sugar and questions to ask yourself.
I will be covering a page on travel and safety regarding traveling to meet a SD.. if there are sections that someone feels should be added or would like to add please contact me. Thank You
When a flicker becomes a flame!
Hello Sugar Sisters and SD's
Most of you who read my blog know I recently changed lots of things about my search process and evening choosing an SD who could not offer me as much financial support as I needed but I felt that his quality character was equally important. Last night I had a date with him which is the last time I will see him this year.. and that little flicker that I saw in his character turned into a giant flame. He came bearing gifts and not the traditional stuff you expect out of your SD. No shoes, jewelery, or lingerie. So you are wondering what gives?
As you know I am in school and working hard but for my chosen field it requires much added expense in the cost of materials that I need for painting and sculpting. He made three trips to his SUV which was loaded with so many blessing. Slabs of various clays, canvas, and other supplies I was running dangerously low on.. I just had an installation art show which was a success but have my big show that showcases my talents next year and still have not got all the required pieces ready for it. I was so humbled by this act of kindness and appreciation. It simply validated what I already had realized about this exceptional SD and yes girls, sometimes it is those gifts that move us closer to our goals that count more than a trinket.
So last night I spent an amazing evening wrapped up in the arms of my SD.. grateful I gave him the chance and that little flicker burned hotly throughout the night into a giant flame that could not be extinguished. I did not get any sleep..lol.. but I left this morning feeling so very satisfied in every way. And the moral to what I am sharing is simple.. when we create a bond with an SD based on understanding, trust and honesty, and daring to be humble and vulnerable to let them see who we really are.. they will often develop a mutual concern for us and find ways to make sure our lives our easier. As for the supplies.. this is one of the things I had my allowance earmarked for and have already gotten the allowance to take care of me through the end of the year.. this was extra so when I factor the cost of the supplies he brought which were substantial it moved me to the category of assistance I was seeking in the first place.
With his schedule we are not to see each other again until January.. but he asked me if he could get back here for one day in Dec. if I would consider seeing him.. OH Yes!!! that was my answer without hesitation. It is often hard to find the time during the holiday season but last night was so sweet and now I am so grateful that I accepted his arrangement. So was my search for quality worth it... I think so but time will tell as this is still a new arrangement. What I have learned in this journey is to just be me, take the time to know a Pot before meeting him, make sure you know who the person is and take the time to learn enough about him to feel comfortable and establish an element of trust. There were a few contacts who tried to rush me and even one who wanted a free tryout.. I am not a tryout kind of girl neither free or paid. I came into this with the goal to have a sugar relationship like I have had in the past, one that feels like you are with your best friend at times, one that has smoking passion and will not fall to the 3 month curse.
What I have found is a mutually beneficial sugar arrangement that is already growing in trust with each date and although there are times that I will have to go for 6 to 8 weeks without seeing him as at this time I can not travel overseas at this stage of my finishing school due to art exhibits etc. , I ended up with exactly what I set out to find. Sure I had lots of bumps along the way and I always said that it would just make the sugar arrangement I chose for myself at some point to be all the sweeter...and that statement rings so true now. So is taking the time to find the right arrangement for you worth it? I can only speak for myself but I think so.
Most of you who read my blog know I recently changed lots of things about my search process and evening choosing an SD who could not offer me as much financial support as I needed but I felt that his quality character was equally important. Last night I had a date with him which is the last time I will see him this year.. and that little flicker that I saw in his character turned into a giant flame. He came bearing gifts and not the traditional stuff you expect out of your SD. No shoes, jewelery, or lingerie. So you are wondering what gives?
As you know I am in school and working hard but for my chosen field it requires much added expense in the cost of materials that I need for painting and sculpting. He made three trips to his SUV which was loaded with so many blessing. Slabs of various clays, canvas, and other supplies I was running dangerously low on.. I just had an installation art show which was a success but have my big show that showcases my talents next year and still have not got all the required pieces ready for it. I was so humbled by this act of kindness and appreciation. It simply validated what I already had realized about this exceptional SD and yes girls, sometimes it is those gifts that move us closer to our goals that count more than a trinket.
So last night I spent an amazing evening wrapped up in the arms of my SD.. grateful I gave him the chance and that little flicker burned hotly throughout the night into a giant flame that could not be extinguished. I did not get any sleep..lol.. but I left this morning feeling so very satisfied in every way. And the moral to what I am sharing is simple.. when we create a bond with an SD based on understanding, trust and honesty, and daring to be humble and vulnerable to let them see who we really are.. they will often develop a mutual concern for us and find ways to make sure our lives our easier. As for the supplies.. this is one of the things I had my allowance earmarked for and have already gotten the allowance to take care of me through the end of the year.. this was extra so when I factor the cost of the supplies he brought which were substantial it moved me to the category of assistance I was seeking in the first place.
With his schedule we are not to see each other again until January.. but he asked me if he could get back here for one day in Dec. if I would consider seeing him.. OH Yes!!! that was my answer without hesitation. It is often hard to find the time during the holiday season but last night was so sweet and now I am so grateful that I accepted his arrangement. So was my search for quality worth it... I think so but time will tell as this is still a new arrangement. What I have learned in this journey is to just be me, take the time to know a Pot before meeting him, make sure you know who the person is and take the time to learn enough about him to feel comfortable and establish an element of trust. There were a few contacts who tried to rush me and even one who wanted a free tryout.. I am not a tryout kind of girl neither free or paid. I came into this with the goal to have a sugar relationship like I have had in the past, one that feels like you are with your best friend at times, one that has smoking passion and will not fall to the 3 month curse.
What I have found is a mutually beneficial sugar arrangement that is already growing in trust with each date and although there are times that I will have to go for 6 to 8 weeks without seeing him as at this time I can not travel overseas at this stage of my finishing school due to art exhibits etc. , I ended up with exactly what I set out to find. Sure I had lots of bumps along the way and I always said that it would just make the sugar arrangement I chose for myself at some point to be all the sweeter...and that statement rings so true now. So is taking the time to find the right arrangement for you worth it? I can only speak for myself but I think so.
Quality versus Quantity: Final Chapter
As I transitioned meeting pot SD's from real life events to searching in the online world using the amazing technology that we are blessed with, I have learned that it is so much harder in the online format. We do not initially have the opportunity to look in a pot's eyes or observe body language that is often a key way to discovering a person's truthfulness. We are often faced with quantity in contacts that lack quality and oh it is so frustrating. I purposely listed a link to definitions for quality as there is one thing that sticks out in the definition:
- any of the features that make something what it is; characteristic element; attribute
- basic nature; character; kind
- the degree of excellence which a thing possesses
- excellence; superiorityThe first four all refer to something that is superior.. a cut above the rest and basic nature or character! That's right quality is that element that sets apart those designer shoes from the Pay-less Shoes or that Dior , Channel or Versace outfit from those so called designer labels at discount stores. We ladies know our clothes.. know that the quality of the fabric makes them last longer, the way it is sewn strengthens those seams and the cut of the cloth often gives us that extra fabulous look. It is that degree of excellence that something or someone possesses! When we put on the true designer clothes, we know we look our best, they are designed to fit us in a way that shows off our bodies and accentuates our best features to perfection. We gain confidence when we are dressed in clothing that makes a statement.A potential sugar can talk and paint a lovely picture, anyone can talk but this does not mean that their words even have an element of truth in them. On the flip side anyone if they can afford it can put on the designer garments but at the end of the day this does not make their basic nature one that is of excellence as the garments can not make up for lack of character! Quality is the complete package! The definition also refers to a social standing.. and yes there is where a real SD can afford an arrangement, however, that still does not mean he retains the quality of character and where we need to really examine what qualities a potential has that would make him or her desirable in an arrangement. This also means a critical hard look at ourselves and our own character and what sets us aside from the rest and use those characteristic elements to our advantage. If it is a more traditional sugar arrangement that one wants then we need to examine what is important to us when it comes to quality character traits. A successful arrangement for me in the past has involved opening myself up to a SD, being honest and at times vulnerable and trust that he appreciated me enough to do the same. For awhile I had a few bad experiences in my search as I forgot what is important to me.. and yes having financial help is important but what was more important was that the person I chose to develop a SD/SB relationship with me be someone I can trust and learn from. Chemistry is important but what good is chemistry if there are so many character deficits that create drama. On the flip side I know that many Sugar Daddies feel the same way and often find after a short period of time the SB is not who she presented her self to be. It is a two way street and really an arrangement is all about appreciation! He appreciates me, who I am, what I do for him so he wants to help me and visa versa.. I appreciate my SD so I do things to show him how much I appreciate him.. both in and out of the bedroom. We often get caught up in perceived drama as we initially forget to cover things when we make an arrangement that covers how much contact. Some SD's want occasional contact in between meets and others want a lot ..phone call, text or email.. they want to feel a connection to their sugar. As an SB I learned to put those little details on the table in advance to make sure we are on the same page with how often meeting, how much contact, how much discretion is necessary.. if this is solely a behind closed doors arrangement or one that requires traveling, doing social things. Most important is sharing a piece of ourselves.. showing our character and having respect for our SD.. not belittling him because he is older. After all we are the ones looking.. for a sugar relationship not for an ever after scenario.
Quality versus Quanity Part3: The List
My Quality list while not a short one has become a measuring stick for me when I meet a potential daddy, I have learned that the more traits they have on my list the more interested and attracted I am going to be. Now you might think that money will be on the top of my list and although it does make my list it does not top it. Why? Many people have wealth or at least have the means to afford a sugar babe, however, money does not mean a man who has desirable traits except green backs. I put the mutual back into the meaning of mutually beneficial arrangement for my sugar experiences. In doing this I took back my sugar power as I got caught in a rut of giving my power away thinking I was obligated to respect and treat the person with dignity that I was in an arrangement with even if it was detrimental for me. After my experience with Mr. Bobble-head I viewed it as a wake up call.. except for his drinking he was actually very pleasant, kind, and generous. All desirable traits except for the alcohol consumption. One night I sat with pencil and paper in hand and looked at what I thought Quality was for starters.My definition as applies to a SD: a characteristic trait that defines the apparent individual nature of a potential sugar. I searched online and found the best definition on your dictionary which states:(retrieved at http://www.yourdictionary.com/Quality )
- any of the features that make something what it is; characteristic element; attribute
- basic nature; character; kind
- the degree of excellence which a thing possesses
- excellence; superiority
- Now Rare position, capacity, or role
- Now Rare high social position
- Now Chiefly Dial. people of high social position Approaching my sugar search as I do my studies in school I look for excellence : my grades in school are important to me.. so why not apply this to my search in a SD? Hence, my list was born with me sitting on the bed in only a little teddy with no underwear and slathered up in lotion.. which was so appropriate for my mood that night. My list:
- Honesty: both vocally and through media means.. for example the picture you send to me via email is actually you and current not from 25 years ago..
- Well Mannered!
- Financial Honesty: again a category separate from basic honesty... because it is not important that I know exactly how much you make so state less if you are uncomfortable with a SB knowing but never over exaggerate as this is pure fake and I use income guidelines to determine if a SD can afford to be in an arrangement with me.
- Respect: yes mutual respect how can we get respect if we do not give it when deserved
- Be a gentlemen...it is more than opening up doors...it is knowing how to treat others with dignity and respect both in public and in private.
- Appreciative: If my SD appreciates what I do for him he will most likely be true to his word and make sure my allowance is always delivered promptly because the arrangement is really about appreciating each other.
- Clear Realistic Expectations: This for me is a deal breaker... both sides need to express what their expectations are in clear realistic terms, a potential SD needs to speak up and let me know what his expectations are so I can determine if they are in mesh with my own.
- Considerate: Being thoughtful, and considerate of my needs to me means being open to some extent and not putting me in a position that makes me feel fear or great discomfort.
- Practices healthy living to some degree.. social drinking is fine but every day over indulgence is not.. and taking care of ones body just lets us know how sweet it can be if he develops a little stamina under the sheets... oh so delicious.
- Has a complete profile which captures a little bit of the successful man... not one that is full of fake boastful brags.. men of power who have made it do not need to toot their own horn so loudly.
- Financial Stable: yep money is not first folks... financial honesty is up there but having the money means little if he is not interested in showing his appreciation . In finance often a SD will take hits in the stock market or even in his own business and at times find himself in a predicament where cash flow is tight for short periods of time. Knowing he can still show his appreciation for what I do for him is so important.
- Easy Going Personality: Yes, personality matters.. if you want a successful arrangement you need to search for a personality that will mesh with your own. Does he take himself too serious? Life too serious? Does he enjoy humorous stories and likes to laugh? Get to know the personality before the thickness of the wallet if you are searching for an arrangement that will last longer than a month or two.
- Diplomatic and Positive: A man who practices diplomacy is such a turn on for me.. he knows how to meet half way and how to avoid drama by doing so. Having a positive upbeat view on life is an added plus.
- Communication: Writing Style demonstrates intellect and when talking on the phone I look for his ability to communicate in a clear distinct manner, I also note topics that he demonstrates little knowledge of that gives me clues to his honesty level.
- Demonstrates a knowledge of what a good sugar arrangement is! This is not a deal breaker when it is a newbie SD but he must be open to understanding the it is not buying sex but actually based on appreciating each other and what both do for each other to make it mutually beneficial for me it is about him providing an allowance but it is also about building trust and open communication and making each meet better than last.
- Well Dressed when appropriate.
- Mentor: be willing to share knowledge and teach to some extent.
- Suave and Sophisticated: for me this is desirable but never a deal breaker if he has manners. ;)
- Location: I live in the U.S.A. so for me it is desirable that he live in the U.S. but if he comes monthly to this country I do think about it. Another state is not a deal breaker for me.. and it is fun to play away from home.
- Talk meets Walk: well-spoken – smart, articulate and witty in real life if it is listed on a profile.. just be who you are and avoid the airs.. no one enjoys lies.
Quality versus Quantity:Part 2
Last week I posted how hard it is to find one good genuine sugar relationship yet I am swamped with contacts so why is that? I attracted quantity...every wannabe in a hundred mile radius! I have been changing how I interview and screen a Potential and have considered changing my profile when the most amazing thing happened..I found a genuine article of an SD which I will blog about later. In my quest to find an arrangement that I would feel comfortable with I have had to meet quite a few Potentials.. enters Mr. Bobblehead. What can I saw about this adorable man at first glance except the place where he gets his shirts cleaned at needs to lay off the starch around the collars!!!
At first glance he had amazing potential.. over the course of a couple weeks we had exchanged emails, graduating to phone calls and text.. even a skype or two which gave me a glimpse of where he was at.. surroundings were very plush and I slowly realized he could afford to pursue a sugar arrangement. On a Thursday he calls and suggest we meet in Chicago as he will be there on business and I happily agree feeling more comfortable about taking the extra time to get to know him. Conversations with him have been great and we have talked about so many things like world affairs, politics, human interest items that have come up on the news and also about ourselves. He never came off condescending and actually practiced active listening skills. So I spent the rest of the day heading off for a little extra pampering, facial, nail salon, hair dresser.. and of course my beloved gym. I thought I would go out of the way to show him how I can look good for any occasion and the next morning carefully choose my wardrope opting for a hot little pencil skirt and matching jacket by Hermes and a Dior white linen off the shoulder blouse that is tailor to fit like a second skin...classic but sexy..add to that 4 inch stilettos, silk stockings held up by a black lace garter belt by Victoria Secrets , a statement necklace in 10k gold with black onyx and matching earrings.. matching handbag and a few dabs of channel perfume and I felt completely put together for any occasion.
Our meeting was at 6 p.m and I arrived with 10 minutes to spare as I was meeting him in the lobby of his hotel and the butterflies were working overtime from anticipation. As I walked into the lobby I got a few appreciative smiles and nods from a group of gentlemen gathered their and before I could approach the desk to have his room rang.. the very debonair gentlemen approached me and informed me my pictures and skype did not do me justice and I looked even better in person. ;) Nice opening line, I will give him that but he had already been drinking as I could smell the alcohol on his breath. So we headed out to dinner to a restaurant that had a great view of the city.. and started with drinks.. I had one glass of wine while he knocked down 6 double shots of scotch even before we ordered dinner and all the time he maintained a charming easy going demeanor. Never showing any signs of actually being intoxicated I figured he must hold his liquor well. After we ordered dinner I started sharing a humorous story with him and much to my amazement he started laughing very loudly like I donkey...hee hawing so loudly that other patrons at the restaurant were turning their heads staring. As he laughed his head would bobble like one of those little bobble-head dolls , and it was more pronounced due to the stiff starched collar and his short neck. I tried to control my amusement and encourage him to eat.. thinking he might actually be drunk but he was walking good when he got to the restaurant. Conversation continued to flow and through all of this he was so pleasant and enjoyable that I just ignored the occasional stares when his laughter got so loud. After dinner we headed down the elevator and he suggested a night cap which I quickly refused..and proceeded to the door.. it is one of those revolving doors that you push and I get in with him right behind me and take no more than 3 or 4 steps when Mr. Bobble-head bobbles right on top of me...yes you heard me right he falls right on top of me in a revolving door with glass all around..OMG was I freaked. He had passed out.. he had never shown any signs of stumbling when he walked but I knew he had too much to drink. After a little maneuvering and wiggling I was able to get out from underneath him.. and discovered that the door was in a position that only had about a 3 or 4 inch opening to the outside and glass all around us.. I checked his pulse to make sure he was okay and then tried with all my might to drag him forward so I could keep moving the door forward. A man passing by outside saw my dilemma and helped when I got enough of a gap for him to reach in an pull.. as he was able to get Mr. Bobble-head out I realized that as I had offered to drive I was still responsible for him and this gentleman got a first aide kit out of his vehicle with smelling salts and brought the man too. He helped me get him to my car and I took him back .. he was apologetic but getting drunker by the minutes.. as I pulled up I had the valet help him into the hotel and headed home. The next day I had an email from him that stated he had a wonderful time..lol.. and sorry for getting so inebriated and wanted to meet again.. but I passed. The point of sharing this story is because it opened my eyes to all the things we do not know about each other in the sugar world. As a sugar babe it is generally expected that we maintain an air of being all together...the complete package at all times.. and I do not think that men even realize just what we go through to look good for them.. all the waxing.. salon appointments...working out... to deliver that complete package.
SD's often focus on the outer package where women often focus on the inside as well as the out side. Mr. Bobble-head had a great deal going for him and the only problem for me with him was his excessive drinking which caused some mild discomfort for me.. especially so early in learning more about him. So what is quality when one is searching for a potential sugar... are you concerned only with the money? how he looks? or how he acts? Maybe you want the complete package too... yet trust me as in every day life we all have imperfections that others do not like but often tolerate. Gratefully I have learned from Mr. Bobble-head and still exchange an occasional email with him but have learned he often has alcoholic blackouts so very glad I passed. From this experience I started to examine what qualities a person needed to possess for me to feel comfortable. I am not talking about normal everyday dating relationships which my standards would even be higher but in the Sugar World. Social drinking is fine but you must know when to stop so I realized I have to ask about how much drinking an SD perceives as social drinking.Being a woman we need to always think of safety and when someone is under the influence of alcohol they can often get out of control so I realize initially I need to watch for these types of signs to maintain my own safety. So on to the list>>>>>>
My Quality List: What make an SD a man of Quality?
Honesty... this is one of the most desired traits among us girls... we like to know we can count on them.. and honesty in their sugar relationship is an absolute must for me... want more??? Stay tune to Part 3 of the complete list and yes there will be a few surprises that most do not think about... what would be on your quality list?
At first glance he had amazing potential.. over the course of a couple weeks we had exchanged emails, graduating to phone calls and text.. even a skype or two which gave me a glimpse of where he was at.. surroundings were very plush and I slowly realized he could afford to pursue a sugar arrangement. On a Thursday he calls and suggest we meet in Chicago as he will be there on business and I happily agree feeling more comfortable about taking the extra time to get to know him. Conversations with him have been great and we have talked about so many things like world affairs, politics, human interest items that have come up on the news and also about ourselves. He never came off condescending and actually practiced active listening skills. So I spent the rest of the day heading off for a little extra pampering, facial, nail salon, hair dresser.. and of course my beloved gym. I thought I would go out of the way to show him how I can look good for any occasion and the next morning carefully choose my wardrope opting for a hot little pencil skirt and matching jacket by Hermes and a Dior white linen off the shoulder blouse that is tailor to fit like a second skin...classic but sexy..add to that 4 inch stilettos, silk stockings held up by a black lace garter belt by Victoria Secrets , a statement necklace in 10k gold with black onyx and matching earrings.. matching handbag and a few dabs of channel perfume and I felt completely put together for any occasion.
Our meeting was at 6 p.m and I arrived with 10 minutes to spare as I was meeting him in the lobby of his hotel and the butterflies were working overtime from anticipation. As I walked into the lobby I got a few appreciative smiles and nods from a group of gentlemen gathered their and before I could approach the desk to have his room rang.. the very debonair gentlemen approached me and informed me my pictures and skype did not do me justice and I looked even better in person. ;) Nice opening line, I will give him that but he had already been drinking as I could smell the alcohol on his breath. So we headed out to dinner to a restaurant that had a great view of the city.. and started with drinks.. I had one glass of wine while he knocked down 6 double shots of scotch even before we ordered dinner and all the time he maintained a charming easy going demeanor. Never showing any signs of actually being intoxicated I figured he must hold his liquor well. After we ordered dinner I started sharing a humorous story with him and much to my amazement he started laughing very loudly like I donkey...hee hawing so loudly that other patrons at the restaurant were turning their heads staring. As he laughed his head would bobble like one of those little bobble-head dolls , and it was more pronounced due to the stiff starched collar and his short neck. I tried to control my amusement and encourage him to eat.. thinking he might actually be drunk but he was walking good when he got to the restaurant. Conversation continued to flow and through all of this he was so pleasant and enjoyable that I just ignored the occasional stares when his laughter got so loud. After dinner we headed down the elevator and he suggested a night cap which I quickly refused..and proceeded to the door.. it is one of those revolving doors that you push and I get in with him right behind me and take no more than 3 or 4 steps when Mr. Bobble-head bobbles right on top of me...yes you heard me right he falls right on top of me in a revolving door with glass all around..OMG was I freaked. He had passed out.. he had never shown any signs of stumbling when he walked but I knew he had too much to drink. After a little maneuvering and wiggling I was able to get out from underneath him.. and discovered that the door was in a position that only had about a 3 or 4 inch opening to the outside and glass all around us.. I checked his pulse to make sure he was okay and then tried with all my might to drag him forward so I could keep moving the door forward. A man passing by outside saw my dilemma and helped when I got enough of a gap for him to reach in an pull.. as he was able to get Mr. Bobble-head out I realized that as I had offered to drive I was still responsible for him and this gentleman got a first aide kit out of his vehicle with smelling salts and brought the man too. He helped me get him to my car and I took him back .. he was apologetic but getting drunker by the minutes.. as I pulled up I had the valet help him into the hotel and headed home. The next day I had an email from him that stated he had a wonderful time..lol.. and sorry for getting so inebriated and wanted to meet again.. but I passed. The point of sharing this story is because it opened my eyes to all the things we do not know about each other in the sugar world. As a sugar babe it is generally expected that we maintain an air of being all together...the complete package at all times.. and I do not think that men even realize just what we go through to look good for them.. all the waxing.. salon appointments...working out... to deliver that complete package.
SD's often focus on the outer package where women often focus on the inside as well as the out side. Mr. Bobble-head had a great deal going for him and the only problem for me with him was his excessive drinking which caused some mild discomfort for me.. especially so early in learning more about him. So what is quality when one is searching for a potential sugar... are you concerned only with the money? how he looks? or how he acts? Maybe you want the complete package too... yet trust me as in every day life we all have imperfections that others do not like but often tolerate. Gratefully I have learned from Mr. Bobble-head and still exchange an occasional email with him but have learned he often has alcoholic blackouts so very glad I passed. From this experience I started to examine what qualities a person needed to possess for me to feel comfortable. I am not talking about normal everyday dating relationships which my standards would even be higher but in the Sugar World. Social drinking is fine but you must know when to stop so I realized I have to ask about how much drinking an SD perceives as social drinking.Being a woman we need to always think of safety and when someone is under the influence of alcohol they can often get out of control so I realize initially I need to watch for these types of signs to maintain my own safety. So on to the list>>>>>>
My Quality List: What make an SD a man of Quality?
Honesty... this is one of the most desired traits among us girls... we like to know we can count on them.. and honesty in their sugar relationship is an absolute must for me... want more??? Stay tune to Part 3 of the complete list and yes there will be a few surprises that most do not think about... what would be on your quality list?
Quality versus Quanity: Part 1
Recently while reading blogs I have noticed some comments regarding the quality available in the Sugar World and how this seems to be sadly lacking! I started contemplating this as I have had my share of contacts from fakes, pranksters and flat out kinky liars which I will explain later. I have changed my screening process, and now I am focusing on changing my profile but not my expectations. Having been in wonderful sugar arrangements before with exceptional S.D.'s I realize that in the past I have had the cream of the crop. Always being treated with dignity and respect... I did not realize when I started my new search how much the landscape in the Sugar World was changing. Like in real life we also must change with the times but I refuse to sacrifice my principles or expectations for something that would be sadly lacking! So let me set the stage for this lengthy exploration and what I am now learning.
In former sugar relationships, I felt pampered and always trusted my former S.D.'s without hesitation which happens with time. Each came with their own unique intriguing personalities and genuinely cared about my well being and in turn I cared about their well being making it easy to pamper and spoil them as well. I learned through these experiences that a good sugar arrangement for me was more than dollars and cents. It involved being honest, discreet when necessary, having good communication skills to avoid unwanted drama, carrying oneself with dignity and grace, enjoying laughter, hot passionate quiet moments together, being open to trying new things, positions, and mutual trust to share and try each others fantasies. This type of arrangement required me to be adaptable and often going the extra mile to cater to by S.D. which I did gratefully and gladly. I discovered so much about my own sensuality and sexuality ...that I realized just how good sugar sessions are.. hot.. sometimes wild.. sometimes romantic and so very satisfying. I was the lucky one.. each of my former S.D.'s are still friends today and I value their advice and wisdom. I tried a brief stint of traditional dating which left me completely flat after my last arrangement ended. Men my own age just do so little for me and men twice my age which I am attracted to seldom look my way in Real Life Situations.. unless they are looking for a S.B. ;).
Understanding exactly what I am searching for I set my sights on having another sugar arrangement but in my area the gene pool is sadly lacking.. so I expanded my search thinking I would find QUALITY by doing so. What I am learning is that my search is a work in progress.. for sure ;). In this economy there are people looking to take advantage.. and I am know realizing that my profile had given clues to the fakes that may be able to take advantage of my vulnerabilities and that I needed to look hard at how much I was giving away about myself.. for example not being in any relationship in real life... living alone.. the flexibility of my schedule and only asking for assistance and accepting it on the months that are hard for me to get through while in school. My frank honesty actually opened the doors to some of the bizarre contacts I have gotten. As I have talked to other S.B.'s whom I have made friends with I realized we all have similar stories and are all asking the same questions.. where are the quality S.D.'s. The flip side to this question is that many S.D.'s are questioning where the quality S.B.'s are! A very wise Guru looked at my profile and gave me some advice which I appreciate and value the wisdom of his words.. so I have been adjusting it and realized it was okay in my profile to post what I will not accept which includes P4P. A well written profile is key but a little mystery is okay too.. I realized I do not need to toot my own horn but instead use my artistic side to paint a picture with words without giving too much away initially.. remove hints of living alone etc. let my self show and be genuine but at the same time providing myself more anonymity. Even investing now in a throw away phone to give that number out instead of my real phones that lead right back to my home address. ;)
So what brought all this on? Hm-mm lets see.. paying for trips to meet a Pot Fake S.D. who promised to reimburse for the trip and did not... paying for an expensive dinner for another Pot S.D. when he created a scene...lol... a series of emails, text and a phone call from one that had not even gotten to the meet stage yet who got his rocks off by scaring me and even told me after he did so that he does it all the time and masturbates when he finally gets the girls number to make her think he actually knows her, where she lives.. and has no intentions of ever meeting or entering an arrangement. He learns about them by lurking in blogs or on face-book.. yes social network sites. At one point took over one month of emailing and talking on the phone with one Pot.. to learn when meeting him that he had kinks and wanted to dress his S.B. and send her down to a bar to watch her pick up a stranger.. go screw him in their hotel room and then join back up with him so he could taste the left overs and get all the details and then compare it to his technique. He was into things like fisting.. rough play and so on... so needless to say in my search I have gotten very discouraged.
Not being in an relationship has left me oversexed .. and really wanting to find that quality S.D. the kind that I know so well , who understands what a traditional sugar relationship is really about and appreciates a Sugar Babe who pampers back.. and gives him all her attention when they are together... one who is low maintenance , loyal, respectful, easy to talk to, open and honest, and one who avoids bringing drama into the arrangement. It is funny but it seems that the genuine quality S.D.'s that I seek are more intrigued with the drama filled S.B.'s who have drug problems..lol.. so I continue to search and question what I am doing wrong that is attracting all the losers. I just had new pictures taken of me in outdoor and indoor settings that give nothing away except a sweet smile and if they want more pictures they will have to ask for them and only after I have asked a few questions of my own. I am getting a lot more contacts in the past month then in the past yet Quantity means nothing in the scheme of things when there is no quality in the gene pool. Have you ran into similar situations?
In my next part I will share the story of Mr. Bobblehead and how that experience has motivated me to not give up on quest. I call him Bobblehead for a reason which I will soon reveal.. true story but a definite Ouch! for many..;) Also my list of desirable traits that separate a Pot SD from the rest and put him in my quality category.
In former sugar relationships, I felt pampered and always trusted my former S.D.'s without hesitation which happens with time. Each came with their own unique intriguing personalities and genuinely cared about my well being and in turn I cared about their well being making it easy to pamper and spoil them as well. I learned through these experiences that a good sugar arrangement for me was more than dollars and cents. It involved being honest, discreet when necessary, having good communication skills to avoid unwanted drama, carrying oneself with dignity and grace, enjoying laughter, hot passionate quiet moments together, being open to trying new things, positions, and mutual trust to share and try each others fantasies. This type of arrangement required me to be adaptable and often going the extra mile to cater to by S.D. which I did gratefully and gladly. I discovered so much about my own sensuality and sexuality ...that I realized just how good sugar sessions are.. hot.. sometimes wild.. sometimes romantic and so very satisfying. I was the lucky one.. each of my former S.D.'s are still friends today and I value their advice and wisdom. I tried a brief stint of traditional dating which left me completely flat after my last arrangement ended. Men my own age just do so little for me and men twice my age which I am attracted to seldom look my way in Real Life Situations.. unless they are looking for a S.B. ;).
Understanding exactly what I am searching for I set my sights on having another sugar arrangement but in my area the gene pool is sadly lacking.. so I expanded my search thinking I would find QUALITY by doing so. What I am learning is that my search is a work in progress.. for sure ;). In this economy there are people looking to take advantage.. and I am know realizing that my profile had given clues to the fakes that may be able to take advantage of my vulnerabilities and that I needed to look hard at how much I was giving away about myself.. for example not being in any relationship in real life... living alone.. the flexibility of my schedule and only asking for assistance and accepting it on the months that are hard for me to get through while in school. My frank honesty actually opened the doors to some of the bizarre contacts I have gotten. As I have talked to other S.B.'s whom I have made friends with I realized we all have similar stories and are all asking the same questions.. where are the quality S.D.'s. The flip side to this question is that many S.D.'s are questioning where the quality S.B.'s are! A very wise Guru looked at my profile and gave me some advice which I appreciate and value the wisdom of his words.. so I have been adjusting it and realized it was okay in my profile to post what I will not accept which includes P4P. A well written profile is key but a little mystery is okay too.. I realized I do not need to toot my own horn but instead use my artistic side to paint a picture with words without giving too much away initially.. remove hints of living alone etc. let my self show and be genuine but at the same time providing myself more anonymity. Even investing now in a throw away phone to give that number out instead of my real phones that lead right back to my home address. ;)
So what brought all this on? Hm-mm lets see.. paying for trips to meet a Pot Fake S.D. who promised to reimburse for the trip and did not... paying for an expensive dinner for another Pot S.D. when he created a scene...lol... a series of emails, text and a phone call from one that had not even gotten to the meet stage yet who got his rocks off by scaring me and even told me after he did so that he does it all the time and masturbates when he finally gets the girls number to make her think he actually knows her, where she lives.. and has no intentions of ever meeting or entering an arrangement. He learns about them by lurking in blogs or on face-book.. yes social network sites. At one point took over one month of emailing and talking on the phone with one Pot.. to learn when meeting him that he had kinks and wanted to dress his S.B. and send her down to a bar to watch her pick up a stranger.. go screw him in their hotel room and then join back up with him so he could taste the left overs and get all the details and then compare it to his technique. He was into things like fisting.. rough play and so on... so needless to say in my search I have gotten very discouraged.
Not being in an relationship has left me oversexed .. and really wanting to find that quality S.D. the kind that I know so well , who understands what a traditional sugar relationship is really about and appreciates a Sugar Babe who pampers back.. and gives him all her attention when they are together... one who is low maintenance , loyal, respectful, easy to talk to, open and honest, and one who avoids bringing drama into the arrangement. It is funny but it seems that the genuine quality S.D.'s that I seek are more intrigued with the drama filled S.B.'s who have drug problems..lol.. so I continue to search and question what I am doing wrong that is attracting all the losers. I just had new pictures taken of me in outdoor and indoor settings that give nothing away except a sweet smile and if they want more pictures they will have to ask for them and only after I have asked a few questions of my own. I am getting a lot more contacts in the past month then in the past yet Quantity means nothing in the scheme of things when there is no quality in the gene pool. Have you ran into similar situations?
In my next part I will share the story of Mr. Bobblehead and how that experience has motivated me to not give up on quest. I call him Bobblehead for a reason which I will soon reveal.. true story but a definite Ouch! for many..;) Also my list of desirable traits that separate a Pot SD from the rest and put him in my quality category.
What every SB needs: a good wardrobe..How To do it on the cheap.
Starting out in the sugar world it is important to have a good basic wardrobe so you can dress for any occasion. A handful of designer items is essential.. I have always focused on accessories as a few designer accessories like Prada, Chanel, etc. can go along way in dressing up an outfit.
Second hand designer shops and consignment shops are an excellent resource for this. Today many of the high end designer consignment shops are online. I am posting some of my favorites.
Love these shoes and yes ladies you will see when you go to that website they are sold..he he he guess who bought them? The key is to be selective choosing items that are timeless and can be interchanged with other pieces. I often find items that have not been worn and even still have the tags on them at a fraction of the price. You need to know your size, and I have even found items that are current in the stores and have actually tried that outfit on first then went back home and logged in online an purchased it..he he he.. of course being frugal is not for everyone but not all SD's are shopping men or gift daddies but still want us to fit into their world. I have found this is what works for me but I also purchased every day clothing items as well and today have an amazing wardrobe.
Links:
Le Thrift is one of my favorites and have lots of Chanel, Dior, Fendi, Coach, Dolce & Gabbana, Gucci, Kors, Prada and so much more.. they ship quickly and I have been very happy with everything I have gotten through them.
Tra Tutti Consignment has a shop by designer section which I love and wow have I found some deals there!!
McShane's Exchange is in Chicago and I have found some amazing things there both in the store and online.. this is another one that is worth bookmarking.
http://mcshaneexchange.com/index.html
Christabelles Closet you may have heard of as it has been mentioned on Oprah,Shape, Early Show, Abc News, Fox and Friends and more... you can save 80% and sometimes even a little more. Great variety and sizes for all. Even has a Ten Dollar clearance closet... yes you are reading that right.
http://www.christabellescloset.com/
Rice and Beans Vintage Affordable Luxuries.
100% Authentic Designer Vintage and Modern Designer Clothing from Chanel, Christian Dior, Emilio Pucci, St. John, Yves Saint Laurent, Burberry, Missoni, Gucci, Lanvin, Salvatore Ferragamo, Bonnie Cashin, Diane von Furstenberg, Escada, Hermes, Pierre Cardin, Fendi, Valentino, Marc Jacobs, and much more.
http://www.riceandbeansvintage.com/
4 ever Michelle Couture:
lots of high end designers, I can always find something there.
http://www.shop.4evermichellecouture.com/
Label Lovers Boutique:
D&G, Marc Jacobs, Prada, Burberry, Juicy Couture, Coach, and many more.
http://stores.labelloversboutique.com/StoreFront.bok
Covet shop is another one of my favorites need to have a little extra cash here but love their high end items most everything I have gotten there is new. http://www.covetshop.com/489/All_New
And yes girls lots of
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To Be or Not to Be in the Sugar World
I recently have received quite a few emails from others who are exploring the sugar world. Each of them is trying to figure out if the sugar world is right for them and to some extent what a sugar relationship entails as they have started meeting a few Potentials. I am addressing it here in my blog but first must state that each person in the sugar world will have different experiences and encounters and you must know yourself and how you handle various situations to determine if it is right for you.
Why a sugar arrangement? Each of us have different reasons for exploring the sugar world and the misconception about greed does not apply to everyone. For some it is about goals they want to meet.. starting their own business.. college tuition .. help with books or software.. living expenses.. something they are saving for. For others it is about clothes, gifts, saving in a hard economy or just making ends meet and not going under. For some experience Sugars it is all about the excitement of the sugar relationship, getting to experience things they would not have the opportunity to do otherwise, going to exotic places and being a companion, friend and lover. A sugar arrangement also opens up many doors at times.. you can learn from the relationship where you are mentored.. learn about investments.. how to meet and reach your goals. For me I have found that a sugar arrangement can be very sweet.. better than chocolate. ;)
What it takes to be a Sugar Babe?
Some will tell you it takes tenacity, a tough skin, the ability to deal with rejection, the ability to role play. Others will say it takes skill to separate your real life from the sugar life, having the ability to spot a fake, and the ability to know when to say pass. To some extent it takes all these things but I have learned through time that the most important element to bring to the table is your honest self. Always be true to yourself and understand what you are getting into, gifts and financial help is wonderful but we sugars have our end to hold up as well. We need to learn right from the beginning what is expected from us and what are expectations are as well. Some Sugar Daddies have certain kinks and we need to ask questions that let us know if we are going to be comfortable in this type of situation, are we comfortable traveling immediately to foreign countries, going to swingers clubs if this is his kink? Being a Sugar takes courage to ask some difficult questions, honesty to allow the SD to feel connected to us. The arrangement is about finding someone who cares about our well-being and wants to help us.. to do this we need to show who we are to some extent and not put on airs or claim we know things that we don't. At times for me being a Sugar Babe is being able to face rejection gracefully, always keep open communication, be willing to grow and explore, be a best friend at times, a confidante, a lover, be discreet in public and wild cat behind clothes doors and in doing all this always be true to myself and be myself.
When to accept an arrangement: Never accept an arrangement that does not feel right.. do not settle as those types of arrangements never last long! If you are not comfortable dating a married SD simply do not agree to even meet those.. lately I have been contemplating why both sexes have the feeling that the other is so fake. It is because we do not bring our authentic self into the arrangement.. both sides sometimes present a facade that is not who they are. They pretend to have more than they do, use outdated pictures and basically are just curiosity seekers who this is a game to. Some are simply picture collectors and lately I came to the conclusion that the pictures I put on my profile will be what they will see until the first meeting. I am focused on a SD who wants more than just sex.. he wants to feel a connection and knows that building that bond makes me want to pamper and spoil him as well. With the downturn of the economy I have heard many tales how SD's feel sorry for a potential SB and send money before even meeting and having an arrangement. My advice to those SD's DO NOT DO THAT!!! and RUN. It is those wannabees who give sugars a bad name everywhere.
For someone who is exploring this life style ask yourself what you have to bring to the table and if it will affect how you view yourself? If you are just looking for a fast buck... join an escort service as real sugars are not escorts we are the complete package and we go the extra lengths to look good. Eat healthy, stay hydrated, work out, pay close attention to our skin, hair, nails, feet, and how we dress. We know how to look a million bucks even if we don't have much money.. and we know how to treat our men. Not everyone can be a sugar.
Why a sugar arrangement? Each of us have different reasons for exploring the sugar world and the misconception about greed does not apply to everyone. For some it is about goals they want to meet.. starting their own business.. college tuition .. help with books or software.. living expenses.. something they are saving for. For others it is about clothes, gifts, saving in a hard economy or just making ends meet and not going under. For some experience Sugars it is all about the excitement of the sugar relationship, getting to experience things they would not have the opportunity to do otherwise, going to exotic places and being a companion, friend and lover. A sugar arrangement also opens up many doors at times.. you can learn from the relationship where you are mentored.. learn about investments.. how to meet and reach your goals. For me I have found that a sugar arrangement can be very sweet.. better than chocolate. ;)
What it takes to be a Sugar Babe?
Some will tell you it takes tenacity, a tough skin, the ability to deal with rejection, the ability to role play. Others will say it takes skill to separate your real life from the sugar life, having the ability to spot a fake, and the ability to know when to say pass. To some extent it takes all these things but I have learned through time that the most important element to bring to the table is your honest self. Always be true to yourself and understand what you are getting into, gifts and financial help is wonderful but we sugars have our end to hold up as well. We need to learn right from the beginning what is expected from us and what are expectations are as well. Some Sugar Daddies have certain kinks and we need to ask questions that let us know if we are going to be comfortable in this type of situation, are we comfortable traveling immediately to foreign countries, going to swingers clubs if this is his kink? Being a Sugar takes courage to ask some difficult questions, honesty to allow the SD to feel connected to us. The arrangement is about finding someone who cares about our well-being and wants to help us.. to do this we need to show who we are to some extent and not put on airs or claim we know things that we don't. At times for me being a Sugar Babe is being able to face rejection gracefully, always keep open communication, be willing to grow and explore, be a best friend at times, a confidante, a lover, be discreet in public and wild cat behind clothes doors and in doing all this always be true to myself and be myself.
When to accept an arrangement: Never accept an arrangement that does not feel right.. do not settle as those types of arrangements never last long! If you are not comfortable dating a married SD simply do not agree to even meet those.. lately I have been contemplating why both sexes have the feeling that the other is so fake. It is because we do not bring our authentic self into the arrangement.. both sides sometimes present a facade that is not who they are. They pretend to have more than they do, use outdated pictures and basically are just curiosity seekers who this is a game to. Some are simply picture collectors and lately I came to the conclusion that the pictures I put on my profile will be what they will see until the first meeting. I am focused on a SD who wants more than just sex.. he wants to feel a connection and knows that building that bond makes me want to pamper and spoil him as well. With the downturn of the economy I have heard many tales how SD's feel sorry for a potential SB and send money before even meeting and having an arrangement. My advice to those SD's DO NOT DO THAT!!! and RUN. It is those wannabees who give sugars a bad name everywhere.
For someone who is exploring this life style ask yourself what you have to bring to the table and if it will affect how you view yourself? If you are just looking for a fast buck... join an escort service as real sugars are not escorts we are the complete package and we go the extra lengths to look good. Eat healthy, stay hydrated, work out, pay close attention to our skin, hair, nails, feet, and how we dress. We know how to look a million bucks even if we don't have much money.. and we know how to treat our men. Not everyone can be a sugar.
Say what you mean..Mean what you say!
In the sugar world situations happen that often catch us off guard yet it is how we deal with these situations that show just what type of person we are. We often see people go Poof once an arrangement is agreed upon or even when they schedule a meet. I wonder if it is simply that they do not know what they are agreeing to or simply pretenders and wannabes without the means to follow through. Sugar is more than just having sex, it is about intimacy and sharing.. mutual enjoyment.. many SD's are mentors and enjoy assisting someone. There are a lot of real SD's out there and yet they are so hard to find.
This evening I went to meet a Pot for drinks, he was charming and a true gentleman in every sense of the word but was new to the sugar world and thought he could just go get a hotel room and try me out as if I was a piece of exercise equipment to try for 30 days before making up his mind. I asked him if he had read the blogs or the articles to help him understand what the sugar arrangement is all about and he informed me yes.. I am for sale and he might buy me if I lower my price..lol.. well it did not take me long to set him straight on thought. Not once did he get obnoxious or rude, just stated what his impression was.. apologized for the misunderstanding and asked me how he could get a greater understanding of what to do and how to do it. When I got home I sent him some links to various articles and video messages to help a new sugar daddy if that is what he really wants to do and be. Does he have the financial means to be a SD.. I am not even sure but it is not my place to judge.
I bring all this up as often we do not think about the wasted time involved in the search when we run across people who are more or less just lookers.. lurkers.. or fakes. It takes time to get ready, it cost money to get from point A to point B, and after a while it gets discouraging. I became a sugar as a means to my goal of an education, not to simply be a piece of meat but have endured my share of disappointments and rudeness at times. I keep hearing you have to have a thick skin, and yet that is one thing I haven't really developed. When I wrote my profile I did it with thought, being as honest as I possibly could, trying hard to stay true to myself and let myself show. Through this process online, I have learned that few people return that honesty.. or even read much of the profile.. they focus on the pictures and yet if you leave out a picture you seldom get a response. I am sure my location is also a draw back even though I am more than willing to travel.
Say what you mean.. Mean what you say! is the advice I gave this Pot tonight.. do not lead anyone on and make sure you know what you can afford and if the profile states a certain amount that is needed.. and it is out of your range search for someone who you can afford but do not lead people on. Maybe if one person gets that message then one SB may have one less disappointment in their search. I doubt it did any good but it sure felt good finally speaking out as at time I feel I am just wasting my time and instead just need to try to work two more jobs so I can stay in school..lol.. and the hunt still continues.
This evening I went to meet a Pot for drinks, he was charming and a true gentleman in every sense of the word but was new to the sugar world and thought he could just go get a hotel room and try me out as if I was a piece of exercise equipment to try for 30 days before making up his mind. I asked him if he had read the blogs or the articles to help him understand what the sugar arrangement is all about and he informed me yes.. I am for sale and he might buy me if I lower my price..lol.. well it did not take me long to set him straight on thought. Not once did he get obnoxious or rude, just stated what his impression was.. apologized for the misunderstanding and asked me how he could get a greater understanding of what to do and how to do it. When I got home I sent him some links to various articles and video messages to help a new sugar daddy if that is what he really wants to do and be. Does he have the financial means to be a SD.. I am not even sure but it is not my place to judge.
I bring all this up as often we do not think about the wasted time involved in the search when we run across people who are more or less just lookers.. lurkers.. or fakes. It takes time to get ready, it cost money to get from point A to point B, and after a while it gets discouraging. I became a sugar as a means to my goal of an education, not to simply be a piece of meat but have endured my share of disappointments and rudeness at times. I keep hearing you have to have a thick skin, and yet that is one thing I haven't really developed. When I wrote my profile I did it with thought, being as honest as I possibly could, trying hard to stay true to myself and let myself show. Through this process online, I have learned that few people return that honesty.. or even read much of the profile.. they focus on the pictures and yet if you leave out a picture you seldom get a response. I am sure my location is also a draw back even though I am more than willing to travel.
Say what you mean.. Mean what you say! is the advice I gave this Pot tonight.. do not lead anyone on and make sure you know what you can afford and if the profile states a certain amount that is needed.. and it is out of your range search for someone who you can afford but do not lead people on. Maybe if one person gets that message then one SB may have one less disappointment in their search. I doubt it did any good but it sure felt good finally speaking out as at time I feel I am just wasting my time and instead just need to try to work two more jobs so I can stay in school..lol.. and the hunt still continues.
The Screening Process: Final Thoughts
If you have doubts trust your gut!! Never be afraid to ask questions and I have had an additional question that I have had to ask when negotiating an arrangement. Now I make sure I know my Pot's kinks!!
Oh yes I do ask... I want to know how he envisions the sexuality of his sugar mate.. what kinks he has and what he expects to explore behind closed doors. I have quickly discovered that you can have chemistry and click with someone but some kinks may be something that I am not comfortable with. I recently turned down an offer of arrangement as I was not comfortable that he had two other sugars and often takes all sugars on trips together and expects the girls to all interact with each on a sexual level and according to his instructions and fantasies. I had not met these women.. no idea what they look like.. who they are.. and did not feel that this arrangement was mutually beneficial for me when I am giving away my right to choose who I am with.
Know your Pot's expectations.. are they realistic, do they fit your own. If this arrangement is one where you need to move you need to know from the beginning how much additional support you will receive for moving such as apartment allowance, moving allowance etc. and never do anything without getting the money first.. any one can say you will be reimbursed but not everyone means what they say.
With Craigs List removing their adult service section, I have noticed I am getting more hits on my profile that I have online. I have noticed an increase at how many of the contacts I receive do not really have an understanding of life in the sugar bowl and are basically just looking to meet get laid and move on. This is why it is so important to screen and be patient. Often if our finances are tight it makes it even harder to be selective but the wait is worth it.
Recently I was excited about meeting a new Pot... I asked all the right questions.. talked on the phone numerous times before the meet and even skyped a few times and their was no mistaking the connection. We met at a restaurant overlooking a lake.. he was the perfect gentlemen.. had all the right answers.. dressed well.. drove a car that reflected his wealth. So you are thinking WOW she finally found the SD she is looking for and is back off the market, right? Wrong. Leased Car.. and quickly learned when the bill came for dinner and the best wine money can buy.. that three times he would give the waiter a credit card.. three different ones and they were all declined and here I sit thinking not again.. I already did the dutch thing..felt I did not want to make a scene again so pulled out my debit card and took a big hit in my bank balance to the tune of close to 600 bucks.. yep that is right.. omg.. this is what I did not need. When we left the restaurant I suggested he sit in my car a few minutes to talk and I asked him how he felt he could afford an arrangement when it is obvious his credit cards are maxed out.. He claimed this often happens as he is so busy he often forgets to send in the checks.. yeah right.. he also told me he would pay me back and then even had the audacity to ask me if I could loan him a few bucks. We are taught to look for clues like the Rolex on his wrist.. some knockoffs today are hard to spot.. and his was real so I suggested he pawn it and foot his own bills.. I know that sounds harsh but an arrangement needs to be built on trust to reach a certain level of hotness. It needs a certain level of passion and mutual chemistry.. chemistry often falls apart where deceit enters in.
When he got out of the car I knew this was another one of those experiences that I was going to learn from.. what I learned is no matter how carefully we screen we are still going to meet our share of duds but in the process I was letting my true personality show.. the nice person who has compassion for people, giving too much away about myself too soon. So I have a meet scheduled for an hour from now with another Pot... will this one be any different as I have shared quite a bit with him.. this is a second meet and the first setting had potential enough for me to agree to a second meeting. He is older, much older than I would have considered in his late 60's but hot for his age. He also did something that I have not run across before.. suggesting that the second meeting be open ended so I do not plan to leave right after dinner. So drinks and dancing are included and we shall see from there. He wants to talk arrangement over dinner tonight and get down to my bottom line on what I need.. expectations.. and asked me to make a mental list of what I feel would be the ideal arrangement for the two of us. In the past Pot's have often been concerned with their viewpoint their needs and this is what made me aware that I was not finding quality that I sought after.. like who took the mutual out of mutually beneficial arrangement. The search can be fun, the meets can be exciting but if you do not do your homework and pay attention to those little signs and clues that tell you what kind of person your Pot really is.. then you will find much drama in the search along with aggravation. Now I am actively searching profiles myself instead of just responding to those who are contacting me. I am also being more selective and no longer restricting myself to only my area.
Oh yes I do ask... I want to know how he envisions the sexuality of his sugar mate.. what kinks he has and what he expects to explore behind closed doors. I have quickly discovered that you can have chemistry and click with someone but some kinks may be something that I am not comfortable with. I recently turned down an offer of arrangement as I was not comfortable that he had two other sugars and often takes all sugars on trips together and expects the girls to all interact with each on a sexual level and according to his instructions and fantasies. I had not met these women.. no idea what they look like.. who they are.. and did not feel that this arrangement was mutually beneficial for me when I am giving away my right to choose who I am with.
Know your Pot's expectations.. are they realistic, do they fit your own. If this arrangement is one where you need to move you need to know from the beginning how much additional support you will receive for moving such as apartment allowance, moving allowance etc. and never do anything without getting the money first.. any one can say you will be reimbursed but not everyone means what they say.
With Craigs List removing their adult service section, I have noticed I am getting more hits on my profile that I have online. I have noticed an increase at how many of the contacts I receive do not really have an understanding of life in the sugar bowl and are basically just looking to meet get laid and move on. This is why it is so important to screen and be patient. Often if our finances are tight it makes it even harder to be selective but the wait is worth it.
Recently I was excited about meeting a new Pot... I asked all the right questions.. talked on the phone numerous times before the meet and even skyped a few times and their was no mistaking the connection. We met at a restaurant overlooking a lake.. he was the perfect gentlemen.. had all the right answers.. dressed well.. drove a car that reflected his wealth. So you are thinking WOW she finally found the SD she is looking for and is back off the market, right? Wrong. Leased Car.. and quickly learned when the bill came for dinner and the best wine money can buy.. that three times he would give the waiter a credit card.. three different ones and they were all declined and here I sit thinking not again.. I already did the dutch thing..felt I did not want to make a scene again so pulled out my debit card and took a big hit in my bank balance to the tune of close to 600 bucks.. yep that is right.. omg.. this is what I did not need. When we left the restaurant I suggested he sit in my car a few minutes to talk and I asked him how he felt he could afford an arrangement when it is obvious his credit cards are maxed out.. He claimed this often happens as he is so busy he often forgets to send in the checks.. yeah right.. he also told me he would pay me back and then even had the audacity to ask me if I could loan him a few bucks. We are taught to look for clues like the Rolex on his wrist.. some knockoffs today are hard to spot.. and his was real so I suggested he pawn it and foot his own bills.. I know that sounds harsh but an arrangement needs to be built on trust to reach a certain level of hotness. It needs a certain level of passion and mutual chemistry.. chemistry often falls apart where deceit enters in.
When he got out of the car I knew this was another one of those experiences that I was going to learn from.. what I learned is no matter how carefully we screen we are still going to meet our share of duds but in the process I was letting my true personality show.. the nice person who has compassion for people, giving too much away about myself too soon. So I have a meet scheduled for an hour from now with another Pot... will this one be any different as I have shared quite a bit with him.. this is a second meet and the first setting had potential enough for me to agree to a second meeting. He is older, much older than I would have considered in his late 60's but hot for his age. He also did something that I have not run across before.. suggesting that the second meeting be open ended so I do not plan to leave right after dinner. So drinks and dancing are included and we shall see from there. He wants to talk arrangement over dinner tonight and get down to my bottom line on what I need.. expectations.. and asked me to make a mental list of what I feel would be the ideal arrangement for the two of us. In the past Pot's have often been concerned with their viewpoint their needs and this is what made me aware that I was not finding quality that I sought after.. like who took the mutual out of mutually beneficial arrangement. The search can be fun, the meets can be exciting but if you do not do your homework and pay attention to those little signs and clues that tell you what kind of person your Pot really is.. then you will find much drama in the search along with aggravation. Now I am actively searching profiles myself instead of just responding to those who are contacting me. I am also being more selective and no longer restricting myself to only my area.
The Screening Process:Getting it Right Part 3
My second round of questions during the screening process focuses on getting a real feeling for the person. There are many types of sugar daddies but I am only interested in a selective group that also wants to establish a level of intimacy , develop trust and friendship to some degree and one who also needs to have chemistry on both sides. My questions are designed to focus on this group, I would like to point out that as you determine what type of sugar arrangement you seek, your questions should help you to determine if this Pot is looking for the same type of arrangement as you. For example I do not meet P4P types as I am not interested in this type of arrangement and if I quickly determine this, I save time and energy in the search process.
Questions:
Is there something that stood out about me that brought you to the decision to contact me? ( if the answer is picture and nothing more.. I give it some thought)
What qualities do you search for in real life with a female companion and how do you feel it has changed if any in your search for a SB?
Can you describe your ideal SB and what your vision of a good sugar arrangement might be? ( I look for number of meets here, if he simply just list sexual stuff or is looking for substance as well)
How do you feel people who know you well would describe you? ( I added this question recently and was surprised at the answers I have gotten from the pompous to the very humble and honest answers. This is a great way to learn more ..just watch out for I statements like I am this and I am that.. as we are not asking him for his opinion about himself but instead his opinion of how he thinks others perceive him.)
Which of the following statements describes you? Easy to get along with< Laid Back< Semi Controlling, Controlling, Dominant, Submissive, a tad difficult?
What type of sugar daddy would you describe yourself as? Gifting, allowance, P4P, Travel, combination or other and please explain.
In each round of questions I pay attention to certain clues and facts:
Have they asked me questions in return? I have learned that when I am asked no questions at all or only ones that are all sexually oriented that they are usually not as selective as I am.. not interested in chemistry or mutual connection and just want to get laid.
Often a pot will go poof on second set of questions.. this is fine by me as I do not want to waste a lot of time meeting the wrong ones.. and focus on the ones of quality .
Once I have reviewed all the answers I ask if there is anything they would like to know about me that we have not discussed and suggest we do this through a phone call. I have added skype calls when I feel I may be harboring doubts about a pot's sincerity. However, I do not do in any form or manner phone sex.. online cam sex.. I am not looking to be someones call girl or escort.. and often find this brings up that suggestion.. so use caution. It does give us the opportunity to see how someone looks in real time.
After a couple phone conversations I move on or suggest a meet if he has not. For me the search is about finding the one who you can be comfortable with for an arrangement.. and though it may sound harsh.. it is important to have some common ground and chemistry is essential.
What questions do you ask and how detailed do you like the answers to be? I have on occasion asked what he felt a productive first and second meet should be like? Even drawing a Pot out to paint a picture of what, where, etc. and this often has brought me to the decision to not waste time meeting.. especially when they suggest things like.. after dinner maybe we can sit in my car and do a little heavy petting....NEXT..lol...
Coming The Final Part of my screening process and paying attention to the clues we do not always see.
Questions:
Is there something that stood out about me that brought you to the decision to contact me? ( if the answer is picture and nothing more.. I give it some thought)
What qualities do you search for in real life with a female companion and how do you feel it has changed if any in your search for a SB?
Can you describe your ideal SB and what your vision of a good sugar arrangement might be? ( I look for number of meets here, if he simply just list sexual stuff or is looking for substance as well)
How do you feel people who know you well would describe you? ( I added this question recently and was surprised at the answers I have gotten from the pompous to the very humble and honest answers. This is a great way to learn more ..just watch out for I statements like I am this and I am that.. as we are not asking him for his opinion about himself but instead his opinion of how he thinks others perceive him.)
Which of the following statements describes you? Easy to get along with< Laid Back< Semi Controlling, Controlling, Dominant, Submissive, a tad difficult?
What type of sugar daddy would you describe yourself as? Gifting, allowance, P4P, Travel, combination or other and please explain.
In each round of questions I pay attention to certain clues and facts:
Have they asked me questions in return? I have learned that when I am asked no questions at all or only ones that are all sexually oriented that they are usually not as selective as I am.. not interested in chemistry or mutual connection and just want to get laid.
Often a pot will go poof on second set of questions.. this is fine by me as I do not want to waste a lot of time meeting the wrong ones.. and focus on the ones of quality .
Once I have reviewed all the answers I ask if there is anything they would like to know about me that we have not discussed and suggest we do this through a phone call. I have added skype calls when I feel I may be harboring doubts about a pot's sincerity. However, I do not do in any form or manner phone sex.. online cam sex.. I am not looking to be someones call girl or escort.. and often find this brings up that suggestion.. so use caution. It does give us the opportunity to see how someone looks in real time.
After a couple phone conversations I move on or suggest a meet if he has not. For me the search is about finding the one who you can be comfortable with for an arrangement.. and though it may sound harsh.. it is important to have some common ground and chemistry is essential.
What questions do you ask and how detailed do you like the answers to be? I have on occasion asked what he felt a productive first and second meet should be like? Even drawing a Pot out to paint a picture of what, where, etc. and this often has brought me to the decision to not waste time meeting.. especially when they suggest things like.. after dinner maybe we can sit in my car and do a little heavy petting....NEXT..lol...
Coming The Final Part of my screening process and paying attention to the clues we do not always see.
Fake Sugar Daddies Exposed
Fake Sugar Daddies Exposed
I wanted to share this link as I just stumbled upon it.. and it is an excellent idea.. gives us the opportunity to learn about someone from the one who has had the bad experience.
Just keep in mind that we all have different opinions and there is also the chance that someone can get put on the list for all the wrong reasons.
I wanted to share this link as I just stumbled upon it.. and it is an excellent idea.. gives us the opportunity to learn about someone from the one who has had the bad experience.
Just keep in mind that we all have different opinions and there is also the chance that someone can get put on the list for all the wrong reasons.
The Screening Process: Getting it Right Part2
The screening process is essential to avoid pit falls but I do not think there is anything that is fool proof. As I have recently taken my profile out of its hidden status on a site that caters to sugar arrangements, I updated my photos but did not change my profile. Instead I changed the way I approach the initial emails and looking for clues hidden in picture and words.
My questions are now more focused and a few of them are actually designed to catch if someone is lying to me.. for example I recently asked one Pot what type of foods he likes and some of his favorite restaurants in Chicago. Of course he typed out three of the most exclusive restaurants that Chicago has to offer.. and all this can be discovered by a simple Google search. When we talked on the phone I mentioned one of restaurants he listed and asked his favorite dish and he told me something that is not on their menu..lol.. I told him I was fond of the female maitre d' there.. and he agreed with me she is the sweetest.. no females in that position at this particular place. So what I learned was that he would easily lie and I wasted no more time.
Initially I ask:
What motivated you to seek a sugar arrangement?
Have you had previous sugar arrangements in the past?
Why have you contacted me? ( ask this when the Pot ask me questions that have already been answered in my profile as this is a sign he did not read the profile)
What are your expectations in seeking a sugar arrangement?
If the Pot has stated he has been in previous arrangements I also ask how long they lasted? I listen for statements like just a few meetings or weeks or couple months that opens the door to ask what type of arrangement they had. Often I have discovered these will be P4P which I am not interested in.
If I am interested at this point in the correspondence I will ask a second set of questions. These are specifically designed to learn more detail in what the Pot is searching for and give me the opportunity to discover if he is looking for a sex only closed door arrangement, or seeking companionship along with the sugar that is based on building trust and mutual chemistry.
I always ask at this stage if he is searching for an arrangement based on an allowance. Not all SD's are and often they do not state what allowance they are willing to provide. Again I like this clarified before the meet to avoid running into any more P4P situations.
If the first meet requires me to travel away from my home area which means both finances and time invested I am now more cautious to accept unless it is clarified in advance that I will be reimbursed. More often I will just refuse, if a Pot is interested in me and has some distance from my area.. my point is he is seeking me out an initially a gentlemen usually would if he could make sure the SB feels secure and comfortable.
What questions do you first ask? I will list my final questions which I am quickly discovering are helping me to screen out the wannabees and fakes quite fast in Part 3.
I recently requested to Skype with one Pot which I quickly discovered that the pictures he sent me were not him. He did not even realize he was busted until I finally brought it up to give him a chance to explain. Being caught off guard he told me he had not done this before, lied about not being in a relationship, and could barely afford to take a girl out to dinner. He was just trying to get some hot pictures of girls. Sometimes we need to be creative to discover the truth if our guts tells us something is amiss.
My questions are now more focused and a few of them are actually designed to catch if someone is lying to me.. for example I recently asked one Pot what type of foods he likes and some of his favorite restaurants in Chicago. Of course he typed out three of the most exclusive restaurants that Chicago has to offer.. and all this can be discovered by a simple Google search. When we talked on the phone I mentioned one of restaurants he listed and asked his favorite dish and he told me something that is not on their menu..lol.. I told him I was fond of the female maitre d' there.. and he agreed with me she is the sweetest.. no females in that position at this particular place. So what I learned was that he would easily lie and I wasted no more time.
Initially I ask:
What motivated you to seek a sugar arrangement?
Have you had previous sugar arrangements in the past?
Why have you contacted me? ( ask this when the Pot ask me questions that have already been answered in my profile as this is a sign he did not read the profile)
What are your expectations in seeking a sugar arrangement?
If the Pot has stated he has been in previous arrangements I also ask how long they lasted? I listen for statements like just a few meetings or weeks or couple months that opens the door to ask what type of arrangement they had. Often I have discovered these will be P4P which I am not interested in.
If I am interested at this point in the correspondence I will ask a second set of questions. These are specifically designed to learn more detail in what the Pot is searching for and give me the opportunity to discover if he is looking for a sex only closed door arrangement, or seeking companionship along with the sugar that is based on building trust and mutual chemistry.
I always ask at this stage if he is searching for an arrangement based on an allowance. Not all SD's are and often they do not state what allowance they are willing to provide. Again I like this clarified before the meet to avoid running into any more P4P situations.
If the first meet requires me to travel away from my home area which means both finances and time invested I am now more cautious to accept unless it is clarified in advance that I will be reimbursed. More often I will just refuse, if a Pot is interested in me and has some distance from my area.. my point is he is seeking me out an initially a gentlemen usually would if he could make sure the SB feels secure and comfortable.
What questions do you first ask? I will list my final questions which I am quickly discovering are helping me to screen out the wannabees and fakes quite fast in Part 3.
I recently requested to Skype with one Pot which I quickly discovered that the pictures he sent me were not him. He did not even realize he was busted until I finally brought it up to give him a chance to explain. Being caught off guard he told me he had not done this before, lied about not being in a relationship, and could barely afford to take a girl out to dinner. He was just trying to get some hot pictures of girls. Sometimes we need to be creative to discover the truth if our guts tells us something is amiss.
The Screening Process: Getting it Right Part 1
Most of us can agree that as we search for a sugar arrangement, it is often very hard to to determine who is real or fake. Sugar Dating has changed as it has transcended into the online medium. There are many web sites out there that cater or appear to cater to the Sugar Daddies or Sugar Babies , however, even some of these sites are not what they appear to be. I touched on an earlier post about some sites that share data bases and when I had searched on some of these I was surprised to find how many how had even logged in for over 1 year or longer. There are so many curiosity seekers out there today.. seen an article or show about sugar dating and basically viewed it as a way to get quick sex and many of them have no idea what a real sugar dad/babe even is or does.
As I started searching for a new arrangement, I have stumbled on many contacts that seemed to have all the right answers to the questions I asked.. and when the meeting takes place they are nothing like what they claim to be. I started rereading archived blogs.. and discovered how many people feel the same way I do and have similar experiences. I started paying attention to statements regarding what SD/SB's wish they had asked and did not. This led to a whole new list of questions that I have been asking before I will agree to meet someone. At first I felt awkward about asking some of these questions but quickly was greeted with appreciation by potentials as many have commented to me that they appreciate my addressing some issues and asking them things they feel also needs to be said.
I just had an amazing first meet with one pot recently that I got to know through my list of questions and was so grateful that I had a SD with quality. My point is I was able to learn more about his character.. if he has any sexual kinks.. what his preferences are.. I know exactly what he is willing to do in an arrangement.. what his average length of arrangement is.. know his food preferences.. the type of dress he prefers his SB to wear in public and after the first meeting I was given a very generous gift certificate which shows me a hint into his generosity. Before the meeting we discussed how long we would both be comfortable with on the initial meet.. and where would be the best place for that.. which would reflect both of our food taste. He learned through me what some of my interest were and took me on a lovely little trip where he also gifted me some electronic toys which I was very pleased and grateful for. I do not require gifts but love an occasional something that lets me know we are good together during the arrangement.
As I had gotten most of the difficult questions out of the way before we met.. we just enjoyed our time together.. no sex at this point of course.. just getting to know each other but as the saying goes "I like what I see... I have changed it to I Respect What I See" and finally I am finding quality SD's out there.. as I have had the privilege of having quality in a SD before I knew it existed just did not realize how all the good ones appeared to be taken. Developing a list of questions that helps you to determine just how real they are is actually important. Holding them to a high standard is equally important. In part 2 I will list my new questions but I encourage you to look at how you presently screen a potential albeit SB or SD and really think about what you need to know to see if their value system and kinks are mutual for starters. I also discovered a neat little device that when they send you email to your personal email account or one set up just to screen like gmail or yahoo.. how you can check out the ip address and located the town it is assigned too. There are many little things we can do that are free to see if someone is telling us the truth or a lie.. but if they say they are at home in an email and tell you they are from for example Cincinnati and their account pings in Mexico.. the old adage buyer beware applies. Some people operate under anonymity which is fine.. but as you check out the little things and nothing checks out.. well for me I just move on now. Stay tuned for the List!
Mr. Liar Liar Pants on Fire:Financial Lessons Learned
Navigating the financial side of an arrangement for me can be quite daunting. It takes an element of trust to turn over banking information to a potential SD. If one person learns from my mistake, it will be a lesson well learned.
Disclaimer: This story is true and factual ...the names and locations have been changed to protect the other person ... as there are two sides to every story and often three.
I spent close to a month with endless emails, text and phone calls with a potential SD.. due to the distance between us and his need to have me fly to him at what ever location he was at the time.. I felt getting to know him better before the meet was crucial. It went against the sage advice I had been given for the initial meeting to be on my own territory. Mr. Liar Liar Pants on fire.. which from this point on will be referred to as Mr. LLPOF.. was very charming.. well groomed.. appeared to be who he said he was. He arranged a flight for me for the first meeting.. and then contacted me three days later stated something had suddenly come up in business and he needed to cancel but we would get together when he got back. At night I still heard from him and felt pretty comfortable with the fact that he was making the effort to let me know that he was sincere.
A week later he notified me he was going to be in a big city close to me and would like to meet and take me out to dinner. When he arrived it was in a rental car.. of course he is from a state 7 states away from me so I thought nothing of it. I was giddy with excitement and I thought he was so perfect... we spent some time together and he headed back. The next day he called me to discuss the arrangement and told me had a couple overseas trips coming up but would stay in touch.. however, he wanted to go ahead and provide me with financial security on our arrangement and he would wire the money to my bank. I was very naive with the thoughts of what information to give so I simply answered his questions honestly and gave my social security number, birth date, birth name, routing and account number of bank.. He asked me if I did online banking and I told him know I just got to the bank. He asked me which was my home branch and I told him. Never give out that much personal information to someone right away... this was a huge mistake.
A couple days later I had not heard from him.. so I sent him a text message and went on about my business.. that evening I went to the bank machine to pull out a hundred bucks.. and the machine kept my card.. I was shocked as the money left from my student loans was still in my account and knew I had enough money to get me through a few months. The next morning I went to my bank and was told I had closed my account.. transferred it via wire transfer to a state on the West Coast. I argued that this was not so.. and learned through the process that I had signed up for online banking.. of course the IP address is logged.. through the bank and they had many ways through their fraud department to track all this down.. but the time it took hurt me and I struggled for quite some time. When you give such detailed information to someone you give them the ability to pull off many things. What amazed me was that when this guy was caught he had a female accomplice and they had quite a scam going. I met him through CL last year and have never been back to that site after what happened.
When you give away such information you set your self up for identity theft.. there are some ways to avoid this.. cash.. or my favorite an American express gift card which can be for thousands of dollars.. you can take it to the bank machine and draw money off it.. use it as you would a credit card as well. I have learned through others that it also can be unwise to accept personal checks. Trust is essential in an arrangement but never give away your trust so easily as I did. Learn from my mistakes.. build that trust before you give away such personal financial information.
Searching for my Mister Big
The hardest part of searching for me is the introduction. My first experience in the sugar world was by chance.. meeting someone on an airplane and through this chance meeting it materialized to me flying to him when he called. The level of excitement that would course through my veins was so high, the anticipation of what we do during our time together.. the magic of a behind closed doors relationship. In some ways I was groomed by him to be what he wanted me to be and I was young enough to be naive enough to go along with it. As the relationship developed I spent more and more time with him and basically found myself a kept woman at his beck and call which developed into a real relationship. There is no fairy tale as a person grows up and realizes they have lost their own personality and yet the finer things in life beckon and call. In the sugar coated world I gained an appreciation to travel, having the chances to visit famous archeological ruins, museums that house the most amazing collections of fine art. I learned so many life lessons that helped me to develop as a person and the journey was worth it.
As I look back I realize how grateful I am for the opportunities that were presented to me..however..in retrospect he was not the person I would have chosen if I had been searching for a sugar daddy. Now I am looking for another amazing experience but have quickly discovered that the easiest way to do this is through internet technology and there are many sites available for that.. there are also sites that share databases which all require you to sign up for their services at a monthly fee. The problem with shared databases is that a large percentage of the data base is inactive members. The second problem I have ran across is the profile each person needs to create.. and the level of honesty that not everyone uses in their profiles. I thought by using current photos of myself that this would help weed out people that were not attracted to me right from the start. Instead I found that it opened me up to being a target to a certain type of lurker who basically is collecting photographs and soon goes poof.
In my search I have finally had to ask myself what I am attracted to and what I want out of an arrangement. If an arrangement is going to be mutually beneficial I realized that mutual chemistry was a must, and integrity was also essential. In my life I choose people around me who are honest, hard working, open and loving people... so why would I want less out of the person I would go into an arrangement with. I also have realized I want some one who is spontaneous and enjoys spur of the moment events as well as planned activities and one who likes to make love making moments last and endure for a while. Armed with my self evaluation I started returning inquiries that I had received and arranging to meet a few potentials.
One that I met I will refer to as Mr. Bird not for the obvious choice but as we met at a public place by a fountain at a designated time.. I found myself sitting on a bench looking at my watch and getting annoyed my his lateness and my this annoying bird that kept walking past me. I kept looking around to see why this person was dressed in a bird costume and shaking its tail feathers at me as it kept parading by. I saw no one else around the bird or any signs that gave me a clue to what he was promoting but children were quickly coming up to the bird and parents were taking pictures with their camera phones of their children with this annoying bird. After half an hour I realized that this potential SD was not showing and I got up to go back to my vehicle and head home. As I got to the parking lot I kept hearing a whistle and turned around to find that annoying bird following me and got nervous. As it approached me the bird took off his head and to my surprise this was my pot..lol.. not the approach I expected yet I did find it humorous. He asked me to give him a few minutes to change and we would head to dinner. At first I thought this guy is nuts and I had better run.. but I didn't. I ended up laughing much through dinner and appreciating his sense of humor.. but the picture he had sent me was 15 years old and he looked nothing like the body type I expected and needless to say there was no chemistry there for me except I enjoyed his sense of humor and I still hear from him every few weeks as an email buddy and I am always up for a laugh.
My second potential SD meet required me to travel at my expense 600 miles.. which I choose to get myself a hotel room as it was too far for me to drive back home late at night and being exhausted. I had talked to him 4 times before I agreed to meet but he was also one who did not send accurate pictures.. and actually had lied about his name, his position in life, practically every thing he told me. I did not recognize him when I met him, he had an odor about him that was a complete turnoff to me and he got up from the table at desert to go to the restroom and never came back which left me picking up the check. This trip cost me a few hundred dollars that I could not afford at the time.. but also left me with one of those life lessons that helped me to understand the wisdom of having a potential SD come to your area for the first meet. I never heard from him again and blocked him from contacting me again . I have read that SD's also feel they have been used by SB's so I realize now how important screening is and how much better it is to not give out too much information about one's self until I have met the person and have a chance to get to know the person.
In my next post I will discuss the number one reason to not give out account information right away when one things they have an arrangement and he will wire the money to ones account.
As I look back I realize how grateful I am for the opportunities that were presented to me..however..in retrospect he was not the person I would have chosen if I had been searching for a sugar daddy. Now I am looking for another amazing experience but have quickly discovered that the easiest way to do this is through internet technology and there are many sites available for that.. there are also sites that share databases which all require you to sign up for their services at a monthly fee. The problem with shared databases is that a large percentage of the data base is inactive members. The second problem I have ran across is the profile each person needs to create.. and the level of honesty that not everyone uses in their profiles. I thought by using current photos of myself that this would help weed out people that were not attracted to me right from the start. Instead I found that it opened me up to being a target to a certain type of lurker who basically is collecting photographs and soon goes poof.
In my search I have finally had to ask myself what I am attracted to and what I want out of an arrangement. If an arrangement is going to be mutually beneficial I realized that mutual chemistry was a must, and integrity was also essential. In my life I choose people around me who are honest, hard working, open and loving people... so why would I want less out of the person I would go into an arrangement with. I also have realized I want some one who is spontaneous and enjoys spur of the moment events as well as planned activities and one who likes to make love making moments last and endure for a while. Armed with my self evaluation I started returning inquiries that I had received and arranging to meet a few potentials.
One that I met I will refer to as Mr. Bird not for the obvious choice but as we met at a public place by a fountain at a designated time.. I found myself sitting on a bench looking at my watch and getting annoyed my his lateness and my this annoying bird that kept walking past me. I kept looking around to see why this person was dressed in a bird costume and shaking its tail feathers at me as it kept parading by. I saw no one else around the bird or any signs that gave me a clue to what he was promoting but children were quickly coming up to the bird and parents were taking pictures with their camera phones of their children with this annoying bird. After half an hour I realized that this potential SD was not showing and I got up to go back to my vehicle and head home. As I got to the parking lot I kept hearing a whistle and turned around to find that annoying bird following me and got nervous. As it approached me the bird took off his head and to my surprise this was my pot..lol.. not the approach I expected yet I did find it humorous. He asked me to give him a few minutes to change and we would head to dinner. At first I thought this guy is nuts and I had better run.. but I didn't. I ended up laughing much through dinner and appreciating his sense of humor.. but the picture he had sent me was 15 years old and he looked nothing like the body type I expected and needless to say there was no chemistry there for me except I enjoyed his sense of humor and I still hear from him every few weeks as an email buddy and I am always up for a laugh.
My second potential SD meet required me to travel at my expense 600 miles.. which I choose to get myself a hotel room as it was too far for me to drive back home late at night and being exhausted. I had talked to him 4 times before I agreed to meet but he was also one who did not send accurate pictures.. and actually had lied about his name, his position in life, practically every thing he told me. I did not recognize him when I met him, he had an odor about him that was a complete turnoff to me and he got up from the table at desert to go to the restroom and never came back which left me picking up the check. This trip cost me a few hundred dollars that I could not afford at the time.. but also left me with one of those life lessons that helped me to understand the wisdom of having a potential SD come to your area for the first meet. I never heard from him again and blocked him from contacting me again . I have read that SD's also feel they have been used by SB's so I realize now how important screening is and how much better it is to not give out too much information about one's self until I have met the person and have a chance to get to know the person.
In my next post I will discuss the number one reason to not give out account information right away when one things they have an arrangement and he will wire the money to ones account.
Sugar by Chance
My first exploration into the sugar world was by chance not by design. It is funny that as I look back I did not even realize I was a sugar babe. I met someone at an airport.. and the chemistry was hot.. he was twice my age and we exchanged phone numbers. Within a week we were talking on the phone.. but his age was in the back of my mind. After talking for over a month I agree to see him and he flew me out for a weekend. I was fascinated with his knowledge, loved his guidance and quickly started seeing him on the weekends. I still remember him telling me he wanted to take care of me and make life easier for me and each month he would provide me with financial assistance to help me out.
After close to a year of this.. one day one of my friends informed me I was nothing but a glorified call girl as I was at his beck and call... that did not bother me as I loved the time we shared.. chemistry was off the scale.. and I felt like had the opportunity to explore my own sensuality and sexuality. For me it was such an empowering experience and one that last for quite some time. Our arrangement gave me the freedom to pursue my own dreams and education.. for which I am so grateful. I learned so much from him as a mentor, got to travel to many places that I would not have seen.. but it was those quiet alone times that I appreciated the most. When our arrangement finally ended .. it was all good and we are still friends today to many degrees. What I learned was what an amazing experience this was and how less complicated it was for me from traditional dating.. but in the end he was my Sugar Daddy and I his Sugar Babe.. earlier this year as I was thinking back I thought about this experience and the possibilities of exploring the sugar world online. That led me to a website with the idea of seeking another arrangement.. in the online world I find it harder as we use profiles... people can write anything and it takes time to discover who is real and who is not.
It is also hard to create a profile that reflects who I am and what I have to offer.. but I have learned as I read others profiles to look for signs that might tell me if that person is being real or fake. I do not think being a sugar is for everyone, and each of us has our own reason for doing things.. I love a world that is sugar coated.. one where you can truly let your hair down.. not feel inhibited .. and enjoy everything the other person has to offer.. being able to learn from his experience.. to often travel to some magical places.. and the meetings just can get so intense which is something I never found in traditional dating. In my next post I will focus on the search and what I have learned about looking for the right arrangement and person for me.
After close to a year of this.. one day one of my friends informed me I was nothing but a glorified call girl as I was at his beck and call... that did not bother me as I loved the time we shared.. chemistry was off the scale.. and I felt like had the opportunity to explore my own sensuality and sexuality. For me it was such an empowering experience and one that last for quite some time. Our arrangement gave me the freedom to pursue my own dreams and education.. for which I am so grateful. I learned so much from him as a mentor, got to travel to many places that I would not have seen.. but it was those quiet alone times that I appreciated the most. When our arrangement finally ended .. it was all good and we are still friends today to many degrees. What I learned was what an amazing experience this was and how less complicated it was for me from traditional dating.. but in the end he was my Sugar Daddy and I his Sugar Babe.. earlier this year as I was thinking back I thought about this experience and the possibilities of exploring the sugar world online. That led me to a website with the idea of seeking another arrangement.. in the online world I find it harder as we use profiles... people can write anything and it takes time to discover who is real and who is not.
It is also hard to create a profile that reflects who I am and what I have to offer.. but I have learned as I read others profiles to look for signs that might tell me if that person is being real or fake. I do not think being a sugar is for everyone, and each of us has our own reason for doing things.. I love a world that is sugar coated.. one where you can truly let your hair down.. not feel inhibited .. and enjoy everything the other person has to offer.. being able to learn from his experience.. to often travel to some magical places.. and the meetings just can get so intense which is something I never found in traditional dating. In my next post I will focus on the search and what I have learned about looking for the right arrangement and person for me.
New Beginnings
I have always had a sweet tooth, sweet personality and sweet ideals so it was a natural progression for me delve into the Sugar Coated life of searching for sugar. My blog is simply about my own perceptions of what being a sugar babe is to me and how where my journey takes me.
Many television programs have featured sugar dating in the past couple years.. but none I feel have done it justice. Especially when they compare it to prostitution, when I dated traditionally and dated a person of quality I constantly received gifts or financial help along the way if I needed it. In the sugar world.. the same applies.. the difference for me is that as a Sugar Babe I know I can count on that assistance. As this blog progresses I will explore the mistakes I have made along the way.. what brought me to think about my safety and other concerns along with some of my adventures and how the world has opened up for me.
So join me in this journey and share your experiences as well with me.
Many television programs have featured sugar dating in the past couple years.. but none I feel have done it justice. Especially when they compare it to prostitution, when I dated traditionally and dated a person of quality I constantly received gifts or financial help along the way if I needed it. In the sugar world.. the same applies.. the difference for me is that as a Sugar Babe I know I can count on that assistance. As this blog progresses I will explore the mistakes I have made along the way.. what brought me to think about my safety and other concerns along with some of my adventures and how the world has opened up for me.
So join me in this journey and share your experiences as well with me.
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